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Debate Score:3
Arguments:3
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 Creepy Pasta :) (3)

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Kenleyso(234) pic



Creepy Pasta :)

Is my pasta good or bad :)?

 

I love my father.

 

It was a rainy afternoon, and still... we are decorating the room.

I wonder if my crush noticed me.

I still wonder if she likes me or not.

Anyways, I am so sick of decorating the room! There is really no progress at all...

Finding ways how to make the time pass, I went to the rest room.

As I enter, the cold wind greeted me, and the lights were off.

I am really terrified of the atmosphere because it strangels me, it's like draining my life force.

I approached the urinal, and peed.

I feel someone holding my shoulders, and whispering, "dont look this way, child".

Because of this, I hurried to zip up my pants and ran away... without looking the mirror...

As I entered the classroom, all of my classmates laughed, and saw I peed on my pants.

This made me angry, and punched the one who was really laughung hard. Unaware, my friend ran outside and spoke to the principal.

I explained everything, but I was not taken lightly, instead, suspended me for punching my classmate.

When I got home, my father punched me, and my mother did nothing, instead, she laughed at me.

I cried, very hard...

For 5 hours, I never ceased crying.

Then, I heard him again...

He said "get that knife my child... cut out your heart and raise it up, and I will make your wishes come true"

Then I said, " yes... father..."

I actually did it, I held my heart up high, and my spirit ascended...

I saw my parents sobbing because I died... And I just laughed very hard.

My father said" You can go wherever you want or do what ever you please... as long as you call me father..."

Then I answered him, "yes... father."

The next day, I went to my school...

I entered my classroom, and I approached the bully.

I made his spirit control his body and made him gouge his' eyes.

All were horrified, and ran out of the classroom.

I smiled.

Next, I approached my friend, and made his spirit cut his own tongue.

Some decide to suicide, because they were seeing things.

I chuckled.

Lastly, I approached my crush, and I asked my father for permission.

"Father, shall I make her mine?

My father said, " yes, you can, my child"

I made her spirit go up the rooftop, and let her jump.

She died, and her spirit lifted up.

But her spirit was eaten by my father.

I asked my father, why father, you said you will make her mine.

My father said " sorry my child, she looked so yummy!"

I sobbed, and tried to kill myself, but I can't, for I am already dead.

It was a rainy afternoon.....

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Eh. disturbing towards the end but quite clunky. Also the beginning is really confusing.

1 point

Whoa

Okay

That's a little messed up. But over all not that bad. I would work on the flow of the writing a bit more and the beginning is a mite confusing.

It's dark, but not particularly creepy. I think more detail and background would be beneficial. The 'voice' used doesn't seem to mesh well with the intent either, which is something far more difficult to quantify.