How do you deal with parents who don't live together?
Imagine the situation, my child's best friend's dad moved away. He still comes around some hours on most weekends, but he just bosses everybody about. At the beginning the child was sad, but now rage is building. She seeks arguments with him all the time. Sometimes she just acts love for her mother, but she is really suffering. My child really wants to help her, so she came to me, but I don't have many ideas. I'll say a couple later. Anybody knows anything?
Discussions are difficult for both parties, since the dad just acts like nothing happened.
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To be honest, there isn't a whole lot you can actually do. The parents need to try to show some sort of united front, show that they care more about the child than their own personal differences. If they can build up somewhat of a family again, (without leading the child on to think the parents are getting back together) then most of the rage should evaporate. If this isn't possible, then the child needs a way to let the rage out. The more it builds up, the worse it will get. Find some sort of outlet for the rage to be taken out. The problem seems to be building pressure with no escape. Or, the family could just have a discussion. I know that the father doesn't take criticism well, but as long as it is constructive and not malicious, I don't think there'll be any problems. Keep it civil and address any and all problems raised. If none of that works, then some kind of outside intervention or counselling might be needed. 1
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Sounds familiar... Anyway, I know you would love to find a way to help without bringing in the father, but it's unlikely you're going to be able to. If he is the problem, doing things behind his back will only antagonise the situation. I think that the best thing to do would be to have the child speak with the father in a controlled environment, without the mother as to avoid arguments, and try to sort their differences. The father may be bad at taking criticism, but if it's addressed in a way that makes it seem less critical, he should realise the problem pretty soon. Unless, and I'm not saying this is the case, he truly doesn't care. Some people will never be able to step up and take responsibility in times such as these. If they are unable to sort their differences, perhaps they should be separated for a while. Time can be the best healer of all. But that is only if he won't listen to anything. Again, controlled negotiation in a friendly and civil manner may be your best shot. 1
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I can't really imagine telling the child to stop being angry. She has every right to be angry, but I'm not sure if it is good for her. Her mother told her to not seek arguments with her dad, but it just happens. She ends up crying in the night, my daughter feels really sorry for her. But the child can't say anything because she is scared her father stops her tennis, which she loves. Her father does not really accept criticism well. 1
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Well I am a single Dad. My wife and I have been separated for about four years now and my kids are older and never had any issues really. I don't know how old this person is. I think the trick is to understand that parents are just people and they sometimes don't get along and to make sure she understand it is not her fault. 1
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Have you actually seen him boss everyone around or is this second hand knowledge? If you have seen it, is it possible for the daughter turn it into a game I.e., she can pretend to be a pirate and her dad is the captain. In her mind she can respond, "Aye, captain.". In other words, attitude gets you far. Maybe she can have a heart to heart with him. How old is she? What doesn't kill her will make her stronger. Is he a young dad? Maybe he'll change. But if he's really immature, I wouldn't push his buttons. 1
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