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Debate Info

27
27
Sure Hellz No!
Debate Score:54
Arguments:31
Total Votes:62
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 Sure (19)
 
 Hellz No! (12)

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Is it okay to leave your wife, for the love of your life?

SC Gov. Yada yada... missing... yada yada... Argentina... yada yada... affair.

So my question is: Is it okay to leave your wife, for the love of your life?


**Why, or why not.**

Sure

Side Score: 27
VS.

Hellz No!

Side Score: 27
2 points

Well, shouldn't your wife be the love of your life in the first place?

If she is not, then you are not doing anybody any favors by staying with her.

If the relationship has reached the point where you are getting (and giving) all the love to someone else, then all you can do is damage control.

If you don't tell her and stay with her, one day she will find out and will probably be forever wounded by the deception on top of the cheating.

If you tell her she will be hurt, but at least the deception will have stopped, and she will be able to keep her head high.

4 years ago | Side: It's damage controll
2 points

People can do whatever they want, and it's none of my business. I thought it was dumb when everyone cared about Clinton, I thought it was dumb with Edwards, I think it's dumb with this rash of Conservative Bible Bashers, even the gay one.

I would love for one of these guys to hold a press conference where all they say is "It's none of your business, no questions, peace out." Then leave.

For me, if I had 4 young kids, I'd stay with my wife. If I had 4 old kids, or no kids, then I'd think about it. But I'm not him, I don't know his feelings, his home situation, etc,

I mean, it's perfectly possible his wife is a complete bore who won't even suck him off on his b-day and only has sex in the dark once a month with the lights off. You can't expect any man to put up with that.

But we don't know. And more, we shouldn't know or care.

4 years ago | Side: Sure

Think of it like abortion. You kinda changed your mind. You realize you could have a better life without her so ..... you abort her ass ;)

Alternatively, find the love of your life before you get married.

4 years ago | Side: abort her
2 points

Well, I think that if your wife isn't the love of your life, then you should'nt be with her and hurt her any further by seeing someone else.

4 years ago | Side: Sure

I'm not sure why everyone in the US is obsessed with everyone else's romantic life. Do what makes you happy. Life is short; why be with somebody that you no longer want to be with?

4 years ago | Side: Sure
benbw(3) Disputed
2 points

Because you made a commitment to them. If you have taken time and evaluated any problems, then confirmed that they cannot be fixed adequately, go ahead. But life being short isn't an excuse for hurting someone.

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
1 point

A man is perfectly entitled to leave his wife for the love of his life- as long as the wife gets custody of the two (or should it be three?) things the husband gave her on the night after they said “I do”.

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
1 point

I find myself asking this exact question of myself. The back story is that I once knew this girl, it felt like we were made for each other, we saw each other every weekend (for we didn't live close together) We had everything in common, tastes, lifestyle the lot. Then disaster struck and we lost touch, my life was changed (through no fault/choice of my own)

I never once stopped looking for her or thinking about her, thirteen years passed and I was still trying to find her. In this time I had tried to get along with life, despite always feeling that some important part of me was missing, I got married, mainly because the girl I was with wanted to and I wanted to make her as happy as I could. By this time I was sure that I'd never find the girl I had lost (though I was still quietly looking). Following my wife's life plan we were trying for a child (nothing has been spontaneous in our relationship) When out of the blue I found her, thirteen years of looking and I found her.

It turns out that she had an almost identical story to my own, that she had been looking for me too, that her feelings were still there as well and unfortunately that she too had settled for someone else in the passing years and now had three children of her own.

This isn't a case of finding someone new and declaring them the love of your life, that I would disagree with, however finding the real love of your life, the one person you have been yearning for for thirteen years is very different. So I would have to agree that this is something that can be done, for if you don't you will never ever be happy again, knowing that she is there within reach and that she loves you too.

When I look at my marriage I realize that it has all been for her, the choices made have tried to mold me into someone else, I look at myself and do not recognize the person I have become. My wife has no hobbies or interests and has stopped me from doing all of mine, our life together revolves around her watching TV and me running around trying to keep her happy.

Should I resign myself to a life of misery?

I have always said that you only get one life and that since you can not take anything with you when you die you should try to make yourself happy as much as possible otherwise your life was wasted.

To summarize, I feel that you have to follow your heart, the short term may be very painful and difficult, but it will be better then settling for a full lifetime of misery

4 years ago | Side: Sure
Dubois21(2) Disputed
1 point

Your's absolutely is the same. You shouldn't have married someone who you couldn't your heart to! You let her believe you were into her when really you've always wanted someone else! I almost feel it's better to truly love someone, fall out of love, and end the marriage with integrity.

3 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
anadebates(2) Disputed
1 point

So you didn't honor your "love" the first time and married someone else because what, You were afraid to be alone?

Now you found her and don't want to honor your marriage.

Grass is always greener on the other side. Stop running around like a mad man, always seeking for what isn't yours and never was. Not having gratitude for the things you do have. And what happens to all the Kids involved in all this?

3 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
1 point

I always believed in marriage. I believe in the vows. But, what if you get married young, become ambitious, and realize your partner just wants to stay home and have babies and not support you? OR, what if you marry someone who has a lot of damage and they are hurting you, but you meet someone who makes you feel like you can accomplish your goals and be the happy person you are? I do NOT believe in affairs. However, it's our responsibility to be happy and live the life you've always wanted, right? Do you stay with someone who drags you down just because you are married? It's up for debate!

3 years ago | Side: Debatable
calical559(1) Disputed
1 point

Man you took the words out of mouth ....thsts hiw ecactly I feel ivl got married too young been responsible father love mu kids more then anythings and they love me...but ive found this amazing women thatnits totally the person ive always wanted . I dont know whst to do ive hsve left the mother of my kids couple times..but I always end up returning because of my kids...but im not hsppy with this women anymore shes the type of women just wants more n more n does not have any goals in life shes not the type that will say man this is my goal for our family notjing I just feel like ive given my everything and dont see myslef with her..ive been the only one working for 8byrs n its hard to see how my hard work never seems to pay off ...shes exactly whst this person son on the article. ..if anyone is same problem leave comment ...this just has let to cheating and I dont want to continue this

309 days ago | Side: Hellz No!

What if you leave your current wife for the love of your life and then the love of your life becomes your current wife.... Wait.... maybe I should be on that side ---> ;)

3 years ago | Side: Sure
1 point

Hell, you should leave your wife for a one night stand. Marriage is a stupid system. It's a means to turn your spouse into your property, a commodity to be controlled and used.

If your wife loves you - and I mean really loves you, not just chemically - then if anything, she would support your pursuit for the love of your life.

Love may be many things, but jealousy is not one of them.

3 years ago | Side: Sure
1 point

I see it Like this, If you have tried counseling etc and everything you can to make it work with your wife before u attempted to cheat and it didn't work then yes leave her but tell her asap do not lead them on because of a child or whatever cuz you are hurting everyone involved yourself the wife the new girl or old flame and your kid.. think please I know because im in this situation. My highschool sweetheart got married after i walked away form him 21 years ago, we found one another 6 yrs back he stopped talking to me via then net and phone and tried to work things out with his wife. but he realized he never was in love with her he has always been in love with me only he settled for her cuz she was there and I was not yeah seems wrong but at the time he was young and didnt think of what could happen if he and I ever crossed paths again. now he hurts me everyday he has to leave he hurts her yet she dont know it yet and his son well no matter what is going to be upset, but if he would just file the papers and start the process things would be better for all involved in the end maybe im biased but i feel honesty is the best policy. and yes before i get yelled at i know im a terrible person for allowing this but its his choice not mine he contacted me i only went with my heart and i will be here till he does what he needs to do ..

1 year ago | Side: Sure
1 point

You are hurting her by not giving her the chance to be truly loved.

1 year ago | Side: Sure
1 point

If you don't love your wife- yes, but you have to be tactful and keep her as a friend:

1 year ago | Side: Sure
1 point

Well I would certainly leave my husband of 20 years for the man I've been in love with my entire life!

The problem I have is the man I'm in love with doesn't love me. Or he didn't years ago when we went separate ways. I don't know how to deal with this so I try my best not to think about him. My husband and I have a VERY strange relationship. He and I are more like brother and sister. There are NO romantic feelings between us. We have no intimacy whatsoever and I'm not complaining.

I will love this man for the rest of my life. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and the last as I go to bed EVERY single night. I would have no problem if my husband found the same kind of love. All I have to say on the matter is, do not ever judge others until you have suffered a similar situation. I promise you, you never know what you will do in a situation where "crazy over the moon" love is involved.

1 year ago | Side: Sure
1 point

Yes, I do believe it is ok to leave your wife for the love of your life, but spend alot of time with this other woman first & get to know her in all types of different situations, because you don't want to regret leaving later. I personally think that life is about doing what truly makes you happy & being with your soulmate will make even the hard times so much better. I think we are all here to find our other half & show by example what love is all about.

I think that most of us our damaged & make mistakes including...picking the wrong person to marry just don't keep making the same mistake over & over & yes, your kids will be happy as long as there parents are regardless if y'all are together or not.

319 days ago | Side: Sure
-3 points
5 points

How fickle can you get? When you married your wife she was the love of your life and all you need is a sexier girl to ruin a marriage and allow you an out?

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
6 points

I"m not religious so anything I say has no religious grounds on it. But no, I don't think someone should leave their wife for "the love of your life" because it sounds like bullshit. When you decided to marry your life, don't you think SHE was the "love of your life?" Yea. So basically, if you want to leave your wife, whom you made a life-long vow to, for someone else, you're proving you have no sense of loyalty, no sense of commitment, and zero integrity. And why anyone would choose to be with someone who's leaving their spouse, is pretty retarded. Are they really that blinded by the character the person is flashing in front of their face? Like, the fact he'll probably leave you for "the love of his life" in like 10 years? Geez.

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
Pineapple(1443) Disputed
2 points

Your bias isn't religion, it's that you're a newly wed.

You have just fallen in love with someone, and committed to them. Luckily with the idea that you'll be with him for the rest of your life. Which is great, that's how too go.

But some people do the same thing as you, then fall out of love, and back in love again... with someone else.

You can't judge others for how they feel.

4 years ago | Side: Sure
2 points

What's the point in getting married then if you can't stick by the vows though? Sure, people fall out of love, and I get it, why bother staying with the person if they make you feel like a loser? But still, a vow is a vow. If someone feels like they'll be inclined to want to cut of commitment ties someday, they should just avoid getting married in the first place. It just pretty much starts to put marriage up in the 'joke' category when people divorce for another person so often.

And I may be a newlywed, but I'm actually the type that never wanted to get married because I realize at some point, you'll want to move on from the person for something...saner and happier. And I'm well aware I'm going to go through a lot of unhappiness by being married, but I also believe once you truly love someone, you don't really "fall out of love." Someone leaving their spouse for someone else actually made a conscious to subconscious decision of getting involved with another person when they should not have been. In fact, it's unbelievable disrespectful to the marriage, the spouse, the children (if any), and it's selfish.

But really, for people to decide to leave their spouse for someone else as much as people have been doing, perhaps the concept of marriage should be rewritten so that everything I say becomes invalid and leaves more rationality for their ridiculous behavior.

4 years ago | Side: Sure
wacko(113) Disputed
2 points

I have to disagree. That way of thinking isn't just for the newly wed, its's for the people who have integrity, higher morals and a respect for their partner. This isn't just reserved for the newly wed or estatically happy couples. Long marriages have their ups and downs, times of love and times of hate or indifference for the other person. But its a persons sence of decency that stops them from straying, not how in love they are. When some people say their vows, they stand by them.

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
1 point

This is true. It's a simple truth of human nature that people change, and there are two people involved in a marriage (directly; children are indirectly involved as well, but that's a separate issue).

After 5 years or more, it is entirely possible that you will have changed sufficiently that your interests in a partner no longer coincide with those at the time of your marriage, and your spouse may also have changed so as to no longer be the person you were interested in at that time. If you're lucky, these changes will cancel each-other out (the person your spouse became is the person you're interested in now), but there's no reason to assume that they will, and certainly nothing wrong with admitting that it's happened.

You can't judge others for how they feel.

Sure you can. You probably shouldn't, but there's nothing that stops you from doing so.

4 years ago | Side: Sure
1 point

I dont think your decision should be taken on the grounds of a bunch of us strangers giving an abstract argument on the issue. You should think long and hard about it before you do anything

Also, if this has happened before with you then the answer is definitely NO, You are more likely to learn something sticking it through

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
4 points

Cheating is never ok. If a relationship isn't working, break up, live with the pain, and move on. Easier said then done, I know, but cheating is just cowardly.

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
1 point

I have absolutely no problem with divorcing someone, then finding the "love of your life" or whatever. But divorce shouldn't be taken lightly, and leaving specifically for someone is ignoring the commitment you made and any chance of redeeming the relationship.

4 years ago | Side: Hellz no!
1 point

Im thinking of leaving my wife im so in love with a girl that makes my day complete. How could i possibly do this. I dont want to hurt my family, I want to be with the girl. Its too complicated for me

4 years ago | Side: Hellz No!
1 point

I am experiencing this right now.

I married a man, we were in love. Life happened, we lost sight of things. He has supported me but not as much as I have helped his life flourish. He was an alcoholic when we were dating, there was a friend who was a girl and she would always flirt with him. I asked him to pick and he picked me. We eventually married and she disappeared.

Well over the five years, I helped my husband recover, supported his education and his career. Taught him how to be an upstanding man. And now she is back and he knows how to dress well, smells great, doesn't drink, and so on... He is leaving me for the "Love of his Life"

I don't understand where she was when he was down and out. I also agree with the other comment that he has no integrity or loyalty. I don't hate her, too bad this is what she deserves. Since he keeps telling me "I deserve better" well I guess no other women he will be with deserves that because they get him.

I supported His dreams and he supported mine. No women is going to trust or be supportive of a man that wants to trek through the jungles of Costa Rica or backpack across Peru or spend 6 months hiking the AT. I did, I would. So basically he will sellout. Fall into the role of Ordinary man with an Ordinary girlfriend and Ordinary life. His loss.

Even though I have accepted my fate that I can't keep him. I Have always put his best interest in front of mine and I set aside my dignity to try to talk sense into him so he can live his best life -- but he is a fool to see the truth. Shame on him. Also his arguments is all my friends say "follow your heart". Yes I married an alcoholic, but I married a honorable man with kindness and integrity. The next women he is with gets a Sober, dishonorable man -- her loss.

P.S. While he was an alcoholic, his mother who loved me told me to leave him so I don't have to suffer. But I stood my ground and said "Divorce isn't an option and I will walk the line." I will be honest, I didn't love him when he was drunk--it's hard. But I did see the good man he was. In a marriage, love happens in waves--it comes and it goes.

So My debate is I honored the bond of marriage and my vows. But it's okay to be weakened by the desires of the world (be it a women, or riches or fame) and to walk away because you have to fulfill you heart's desire (7-deadly sins). Man will always be tempted with greed, wrath, lust. I sound like a bible-thumper, but really I am not religious or Christian.

3 years ago | Side: Hellz no!


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