If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? :P

"That shirt is very becoming on you.

Then again, if I were on you I would be coming too."

...it was funny in high school anyway :)

Is that material felt? (as I rub it and her) Well, now it is ;)

Man: "Would you like to dance?" Woman:(looks at you up and down) "No thank you." Man: "Well..., I guess a blow job is out of the question."

Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven't seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you've really changed! (I'm not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name!

okay, so here's the deal: one of my best friends had a sudden urge to make a story on fictionpress, and she wanted to use funny pick-up lines for chapter titles.

so what's the funniest you've ever heard or dished out ?

i'm not gonna put all the funny ones i've heard (especially cuz the funniest ones are rather inappropriate), but here's one:

"hi, my name is [name], but you can call me tonight."

let me know yours. ;P

"Hi. Are those space pants you're wearing? Because that a$$ is out of this world!"

Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!

Is that a mirror in your pocket, cause I can definitely see myself in your pants

I must be asleep cause you're the woman of my dreams.

Is it hot in here or is it you?

Guy: (walks up to random girl) Hey baby.

Girl: Excuse me?

Guy: It's me! from last night! remember?

Girl: I have no idea who you are. . .

Guy: Remember? You got drunk and I had my way with you.

Girl: What are you talking about? I've never seen you before in my life!

Guy: Alright, well if you don't remember me then I'll let you be.

Girl: Thank you.

Guy: (takes off ear-piece for his cell phone and looks at the girl) Hey. Wanna go out some time?

:p

heard this a fair bit: my socks are having a party and your pants are invited down

"excuse me miss, but do you happen to raise chickens, because you sure know how to raise a cock."

"Excuse me, miss... May I taste you?"

Catch her eye and and aproach her. When you get there say, "I was trying to think of a pick up line on my way here but...., I got nothing." and smile.

heard: are you a fine? [what], cos u got FINE written all over you

Heard: baby, somebody better call god, cos he's missing an angel

heard: excuse me, i think you have something in your eye, nope, its just a sparkle

"Is that a keg in your pants? (No... why?) Because I'd totally tap that."

And I know a lot of nerdy pick-up lines. Don't judge me.

"If I could be any enzyme I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes."

I wish I could be your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves."

"If I was a hypotenuse, I would lie between your legs."

You look a little ethnic. Do you have some Puerto Rican in you? No? You want some?

How about some fries with that shake?

my love for you is like diarrhea i just cant hold it in

Man: Hi, how about a 68?

Woman: A 68? What's that?

Man: That's where you give me a blow job and I'll owe you one.

:P

Woman: You don't even know my name!!!

Man: It's "babe", isn't it? :P

Hey, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

Overheard in the hall at a high school:

"If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!"

Are you Gillette? Cause you're the best a man can get.

Hey babe, how about you come over here and sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up ;)

is there a mirror in you pants cause i can see myself in them?

Limp over to a girl and say, "Excuse miss, but I lost my leg in a car accident and my doctor told me to exercise it. Would you mind dancing with me so that I can get some exercise?" :P

Never fear, the Cavalry's here! :P

nice shoes...wanna fuck?

i think that dress would look great...on my floor!

"Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good."

lmfao. i slapped that guy.

Hey i aint no Fred Flintstone, but i can make your bed rock! ;D

Hey baby, you dropped something.. MY JAW :O

Hey, you got something on your chest.. MY EYES.

I once knew this girl called Tiffany. We called her Tiffy. I always wanted to tell her, "Hey Tiffy, you give me a stiffy!" :)

Would you have sex with me for a million dollars? Yes? How about $10? What do you mean what kind of girl do I think you are? I thought we already determined that. Now we're hagling over price ;)

do you believe in love at first sight or do i have to walk by again? roflol

are you from tennesee because your the only ten-i-see!

XD.

if i could rearrange the alphabet, i'd put U and I together!

heheheh

hey can you pick up that pen for me....slowly? okay, why do i have to have 50 characters?!?!?! this debate IS about dumb jokes!!!lol

Haha! This guy once told me:

"Hey, did you eat lucky charms this morning? Coz' you're magically delicious!"

And

"I'm like a polar bear, I tend to break the ice!"

AND

"Are you from Mexico? Coz' you're one HOT tamale!"

I never got that one ====^ T_T

Excuse me, are you cold or are you just happy to see me :)

my names pogo...wanna jump on my stick

if we were squirells cud i bust a nut in ur mouth

lets play lion tamer, you open ur mouth and ill give u the meat

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

The word of the day is "legs". Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Mechanic walks over to a gal all covered in grease and says, "Want to go back to my place, I'm prelubed and ready to go."

There's a part in my pants and you're invited!

Also, Joecavalry clearly either gets a whole lot female attention or a whole lot of pepper spray to the face!

How 'bout we play Carpenter? First we get hammered, then i Nail you.

Guy: Am I dead angel?

Woman: No why

Guy: Cause this must be heaven

This is the funniest line IVe heard ha.

Here's the funniest pick up line I've ever heared, (Curtesy of http://www.funny-pick-up-lines.com))

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

:)

(Oh, I check out packages... lol!!!)

How ya doin' ?