If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? :P

"That shirt is very becoming on you.

Then again, if I were on you I would be coming too."

...it was funny in high school anyway :)

Is that material felt? (as I rub it and her) Well, now it is ;)

Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven't seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you've really changed! (I'm not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name!

Man: "Would you like to dance?" Woman:(looks at you up and down) "No thank you." Man: "Well..., I guess a blow job is out of the question."

Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!

okay, so here's the deal: one of my best friends had a sudden urge to make a story on fictionpress, and she wanted to use funny pick-up lines for chapter titles.

so what's the funniest you've ever heard or dished out ?

i'm not gonna put all the funny ones i've heard (especially cuz the funniest ones are rather inappropriate), but here's one:

"hi, my name is [name], but you can call me tonight."

let me know yours. ;P

"Hi. Are those space pants you're wearing? Because that a$$ is out of this world!"

Guy: (walks up to random girl) Hey baby.

Girl: Excuse me?

Guy: It's me! from last night! remember?

Girl: I have no idea who you are. . .

Guy: Remember? You got drunk and I had my way with you.

Girl: What are you talking about? I've never seen you before in my life!

Guy: Alright, well if you don't remember me then I'll let you be.

Girl: Thank you.

Guy: (takes off ear-piece for his cell phone and looks at the girl) Hey. Wanna go out some time?

:p

Is that a mirror in your pocket, cause I can definitely see myself in your pants

Is it hot in here or is it you?

Catch her eye and and aproach her. When you get there say, "I was trying to think of a pick up line on my way here but...., I got nothing." and smile.

my love for you is like diarrhea i just cant hold it in

"excuse me miss, but do you happen to raise chickens, because you sure know how to raise a cock."

"Is that a keg in your pants? (No... why?) Because I'd totally tap that."

And I know a lot of nerdy pick-up lines. Don't judge me.

"If I could be any enzyme I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes."

I wish I could be your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves."

"If I was a hypotenuse, I would lie between your legs."

"Excuse me, miss... May I taste you?"

I must be asleep cause you're the woman of my dreams.

heard this a fair bit: my socks are having a party and your pants are invited down

heard: excuse me, i think you have something in your eye, nope, its just a sparkle

heard: are you a fine? [what], cos u got FINE written all over you

Heard: baby, somebody better call god, cos he's missing an angel

Overheard in the hall at a high school:

"If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!"

You look a little ethnic. Do you have some Puerto Rican in you? No? You want some?

How about some fries with that shake?

Man: Hi, how about a 68?

Woman: A 68? What's that?

Man: That's where you give me a blow job and I'll owe you one.

:P

Woman: You don't even know my name!!!

Man: It's "babe", isn't it? :P

Hey, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

Are you Gillette? Cause you're the best a man can get.

Hey babe, how about you come over here and sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up ;)

Would you have sex with me for a million dollars? Yes? How about $10? What do you mean what kind of girl do I think you are? I thought we already determined that. Now we're hagling over price ;)

are you from tennesee because your the only ten-i-see!

XD.

hey can you pick up that pen for me....slowly? okay, why do i have to have 50 characters?!?!?! this debate IS about dumb jokes!!!lol

is there a mirror in you pants cause i can see myself in them?

Haha! This guy once told me:

"Hey, did you eat lucky charms this morning? Coz' you're magically delicious!"

And

"I'm like a polar bear, I tend to break the ice!"

AND

"Are you from Mexico? Coz' you're one HOT tamale!"

I never got that one ====^ T_T

my names pogo...wanna jump on my stick

if we were squirells cud i bust a nut in ur mouth

lets play lion tamer, you open ur mouth and ill give u the meat

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

The word of the day is "legs". Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

There's a part in my pants and you're invited!

Also, Joecavalry clearly either gets a whole lot female attention or a whole lot of pepper spray to the face!

How 'bout we play Carpenter? First we get hammered, then i Nail you.

Here's the funniest pick up line I've ever heared, (Curtesy of http://www.funny-pick-up-lines.com))

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

:)

(Oh, I check out packages... lol!!!)

Do you work at UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package.

Do yo work at McDonalds, 'cause, I think your in need of BIG MAC.

I'm so glad I'm not gonna have to deflate you 3 hrs from now...

"Life without you is like a broken pencil... Pointless..."

Limp over to a girl and say, "Excuse miss, but I lost my leg in a car accident and my doctor told me to exercise it. Would you mind dancing with me so that I can get some exercise?" :P

How ya doin' ?

Never fear, the Cavalry's here! :P

nice shoes...wanna fuck?

i think that dress would look great...on my floor!

"Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good."

lmfao. i slapped that guy.

Hey i aint no Fred Flintstone, but i can make your bed rock! ;D

Hey baby, you dropped something.. MY JAW :O

Hey, you got something on your chest.. MY EYES.

I once knew this girl called Tiffany. We called her Tiffy. I always wanted to tell her, "Hey Tiffy, you give me a stiffy!" :)

do you believe in love at first sight or do i have to walk by again? roflol

if i could rearrange the alphabet, i'd put U and I together!

heheheh

Excuse me, are you cold or are you just happy to see me :)

Mechanic walks over to a gal all covered in grease and says, "Want to go back to my place, I'm prelubed and ready to go."

Guy: Am I dead angel?

Woman: No why

Guy: Cause this must be heaven

This is the funniest line IVe heard ha.

man- is it true that when you die you go stiff? / woman-yes / man-well i must be dead then.......................;)

If you guys think these are funny you will die from laughing when you read mine, they are all made by me and they are guaranteed never to have been heard before. So go ahead and spread the word around.

http://purpleslinky.com/humor/funniest-pick-up-lines-new-never-heard-before/

What are the four things that snowflakes and women have in common?

1)They are both all different

2)They are both all beautiful

3)They both can be cold

and 4) they both all melt when they hit my tongue

I'm not a TSA agent but I'll pat you down ;)

Japanese nuclear technician fail:

Wanna see my spent fuel rod?

;)

I had to search my memory for these, though I believe they went.

1. Let's make like Fabric Softener and Snuggle.

2. Take your pants off; stay a while.

Today's word is 'legs'.

Let's go to my place and spread the word.

The second was funny to me at least. :x

I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy? im putting random things because i have to have 50 characters....

"You must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night long."

"Are you hurt, because I know you just fell from heaven?"

Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

You don't want to turn this rape into a murder!