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Tormund awoke to the smell of pine-sap and venison, as the cool autumn breeze wafted into his tent along with traces of smoke. Summer had come and gone, but the North still maintained the smell of winter through all of it. Fresh, cool, untainted, just as Tormund liked it. He sniffed at the air, then heaved out a satisfied sigh before hoisting his large body to it's feet. He was getting fat, he thought to himself. He always LOOKED fat, but he was hard as steel in truth, a big ball of muscle. But now he REALLY looked fat, because now he was a ball of both. The first thing he saw upon exiting his shelter was Jon Snow, sitting quietly by the fire, watching the meat sizzle as he stroked Ghost behind the ears. Jon looked perturbed, as if he was wrestling a demon in his head. He always looked like that.
"Why do you always look like that?" Tormund asked.
"Like what?" Replied Jon, lifting his dark grey eyes to meet Tormund's fierce blue ones.
"Like half of your spirit is at war with the other half" Tormund replied.
"I don't know" Jon said with exaggerated casualty.
Tormund took a hearty whiff of the roasting venison, and then remarked "My mum used to tell me if you make sour faces, a cold wind will come and freeze you like that, then you'll be stuck looking like a pouty little shit all your life."
Jon cracked something that vaguely resembled a smile, then went right back to looking stern and aloof in less than a second.
"A true Stark till' the very end" Said Tormund as he poked at the meat to test it's readiness.
"I just...still don't know if what I did was right...any of it really. I tried to be the person everyone needed me to be." Jon said, his face becoming more gloomy by the second.
"Jon, you're a fucking hero, so stop acting like a little bitch and live your life" Tormund said with a chuckle.
Two seconds later Tormund was shoveling his face full with meat, and shoving the other half at Jon, who shared it with Ghost. Jon may have killed wytes, bedded a dragon queen, and united mortal foes against a common enemy, but one thing he could not do is eat like Tormund Giantsbane. Tormund finished his breakfast, and then had a sudden epiphany.
"Jon, Jon...think about this...what if we traveled to the land of always winter?"
Jon's mouth was occupied with meat, but the look he gave Tormund said enough.
"Think about it, don't you want answers about the Others? We defeated them, but we never got to find out what the fuckers wanted, and where they came from...if we go to the land of always winter, we might just find out. Besides, it's getting colder again, we should make sure the cold doesn't bring something even colder with it."
Jon looked intensely into the fire, frowning.
"The Night King is dead" He said with finality.
Tormund: "What if there are more of them, waiting under the ice...walkers have been known to hibernate for hundreds of years."
Jon: "Why would you want to go anywhere near them, why would you want to risk waking them?"
Tormund: "Maybe we can kill the fuckers before they wake"
Jon: "The Night King is dead, the wytes are gone"
Jon stood and pardoned himself, but before he could escape...
"Winter is coming, Jon"
The words cut into him and burned like a blade of ice, the words of House Stark, a warning to future generations. Suddenly he wasn't so sure, winter is part of a cycle after all...it is never truly over.
"Fine, we'll check it out"
Only thirteen people agreed to go. Tormund, Jon, and an assortment of other Free Folk. One was a red haired woman who was desperately in love with Jon, and he was fond enough of her, but the mere thought of being with her pained Jon, for she resembled Ygritte too much.
Tormund snuck up behind Jon as they departed, and whispered in a low growl "Aela would follow you to the ends of the earth Jon, don't you want to make babies with her?"
Jon whispered back hoarsely "fuck off with that, I vowed to never father children"
"PISS ON THAT" Tormund suddenly screamed. "The Night's Watch vows are meaningless now that there is no fucking watch, you're one of us now and you can stick your cock where you bloody want."
Aela was right behind them, and she heard the whole thing. "Are you trying to lose your balls, Tormund?"
Tormund jumped a foot, she was much better at sneaking than him.
For days they traveled, and with each day it got colder. Eventually there were no more trees, no more hills or mountains, just snow and wind and hail. But suddenly, as they trekked on one day, the winds and icey rains subsided like a pair of curtains, subtly at first, and then abruptly as if by some ancient and powerful magic. And they beheld an alter, made of some semi-translucent crystalline material, too blue to be ice, too frozen to be anything else. Some distance behind the alter was a massive rock as wide around as Castle Black with what appeared to be a man-made tunnel entrance.
Despite the lack of wind and sleet, it seemed to grow even colder as they approached the alter.
"What in the seven fuck-hole biscuits is that?" asked a particularly fowl-mouthed thenn named "Yarvalvic"
Jon was the one to answer "Something ancient and evil."
"Yes, we all know it's ancient and evil but what in the shit-fucking hell IS the fucking thing?"
"Perhaps this is where they used to bring you to be sacrificed to the Others" Said Tormund
"Well titty-fuck my sister while I suck your dick and call it a cuckold sandwich...that's bloody unsettling" Said Yarvalvic.
Jon looked at him like he was an idiot, as he often did, Tormund just chuckled.
Tormund pointed to the black rock up ahead. "You see that, it must be where the Others sleep."
"I'll go first, I've got the Valyrian steel" Said Jon.
"No" Said Aela. "I go first, you lot will only wake em' up if Others are really here. Best I sneak through, real quietly to make sure they ain't waitin' for us"
A wildling no one likes slapped Tormund on the back and exclaimed "Our boy Tormund be gettin' so bloody fat, the fucker probably won't be able to fit through the fookin' tunnel, e' won't." The man laughed as if he was the greatest comedian in the world. Tormund punched him right in the chin, loosening his teeth and sending him to the ground, and no one else even laughed.
Jon helped him up, then turned to Tormund. "That was unnecessary"
"No one likes that guy"
"I'm standing right here" said the man in a muffled voice as he clutched his bleeding mouth.
"I'm big, you're small, so let's call it even" Said Tormund
Jon Snow shook his head, he liked Tormund, but he hated bullies, and sometimes Tormund didn't know how close he was to getting Jon's fist.
There was a scream in the distance, Aela's scream.
Everyone rushed towards the cave at once, Jon made it first. The tunnel was dark and narrow, but torches of blue flame lit the interior of the rock. When Tormund finally squeezed through, he saw Jon standing there with Longclaw, staring in disbelief.
Aela had walked into some obscene trap, black obsidian claws surrounded her, one went right through her chest, and her eyes were no longer green, but as blue and soulless as the sacrificial alter outside.
As her skin froze before their eyes, she pulled herself free from the grasp of the dragon glass. The obsidian blade in her chest seemed to mechanically detach from the rest of the trap and melt into her body. She drew the arming sword she carried and walked over to a blue flame bearing torch, cooking the metal until it transformed into something that resembled ice, but was too blue to be ice...yet too frozen to be anything else.
Then she started singing...a strange whimsical tune that Aela often hummed when she was alone, and she smiled at Jon, as if to mock him.
Jon was frozen on the spot, a single frozen tear trickling down his cheek, and Tormund knew he was thinking about the dragon queen, about Ygritte, about the two women he loved who died in his arms. How cruel would it be if Jon had to put a blade in Aela, just as he was forced to do to Daenarys?
"Give it here Jon, you know someone must do it" said Tormund
Jon nodded, they exchanged swords, but none of the others could interfere, for only Valyrian steel could harm this new Night Queen.
Tormund raised Longclaw and stepped forward, but the Night Queen kept humming, and staring directly at Jon, and eventually Jon dropped Tormund's sword and started walking right towards her in a trance-like state.
Tormund lunged at her and she swatted away his attack with ease, then Jon jumped on his back and bit into his neck like a wolf on the hunt. The others pulled Jon off him just in time for him to parry the Night Queens attack and guard against her unorthodox moves.
"I AM THE NIGHT KING" shouted Jon as he struggled against his companion's grip
"BOW TO YOUR QUEEN"
"I AM THE NIGHT KING, BOW TO YOUR QUEEN"
Tormund's blood boiled as he shouted "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?" and Tormund's attacks became more vicious than ever before. Shouting, shuffling, the sickening clash of Valyrian steel against the Night Queen's icy blade...until a kick sent the Night Queen reeling back into a torch bearing blue flames, and it's icy burn distracted her long enough for Tormund to plunge Longclaw directly into the spot where the dragon class pierced her heart. Aela shattered into a thousand shards of ice, and Tormund fell to his knees, panting like an old dog.
The light returned to Jon's eyes, and he felt like a total idiot.
Except that statistically all Capitalist countries put together don't have Mao's Communist death count.
I just fucking said that the death count is wrong you cunt. Do you even question these things or did you just assume all of those people were directly killed because of communism because the internet said so?
There is only one kind of correct I care about, and it is the only kind that can truly be called "correct". Factual correctness is all that really matters, and the fact is that "patriot" is another term for "loyal slave to the status quo and the national identity manufactured by the state".
Capitalism has caused far more deaths than any other ideology including fascism when you fairly apply the same standard of "anyone who ever died in a capitalist country or in a war with one was killed directly by the capitalist ideology".
That is exactly what people who "support our troops" would tell you about communism, because they are so stupid that they believe whatever random number they are told were killed "by communism".
Funny. Hitler had the same opinion of Jews. Look what happened to them. The first thing people like you do to those you wish to exterminate is to dehumanize them.
There's a big difference. I don't dehumanize people for being of a certain race or nationality, I dehumanize them for being stupid as all living fuck.
Nonsense , it does not mean that one accepts the premise that no god or gods exist , it’s placing the burden of proof firmly with the one making the affirmative claim.
You are a stupid piece of shit that doesn't know the difference between agnosticism or atheism, or what happens when you combine them.
Atheist: God doesn't exist period.
Agnostic: I don't know.
Agnostic-Atheist: I don't know, but I suspect no God exists.
Nom is an Agnostic-Atheist.
It's really sad to see someone who is as delusional as yourself. Sad, but funny. You really crack me up.
It is utterly depressing that people as stupid as you not only exist but there are far more of you than there are reasonable people. It is not even sad, and it is definitely not funny, it makes me question why I even give a shit about the human race in general.
You believe you have the right to steal from the rich and give it to someone who did nothing to earn it.
And you believe that inheriting wealth counts as "earning" it and that you are more entitled to the means of production than actual people who have worked and used their brains just because your fat, lazy, brainless little privileged ass was handed wealth and success.
come and try to rob me. It would be my greatest pleasure to put two rounds center mass and one in your head.
My big socialist state has more guns than you. Besides, if you couldn't afford guns where would you be? You're nothing without your allowance little lordling, and if your father wasn't a lord you would be scrubbing chamberpots.
I am probably a good person but I haven't taken the time to fill out my profile, so you'll never know!