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This, this brings me down. It holds me back, I cannot go forward. I struggle each day with myself. I want to feel different, feel liked, because I try so hard but nope…nothing works. It isn’t a cruel world. This is just the norm. This is just how it is. I am not crying that it is unfair. Yes, I have accepted that I am a plain girl. In fact deep down ugly who has to work immensely hard to be even plain.
I feel like I do not deserve love because the world will never let you get beyond the normative equation. You have to be with someone good-looking if you are good looking yourself and you deserve no one as good looking if you have ordinary or ugly looks.
I am not complaining because someone called me ugly I am much beyond that today. I do not care.
I feel bad that I cannot easily achieve what I want to because of what I look like.
I have a sister and a mother who are immensely good looking, beautiful people who will obviously never see the plain person that I am. I am this plain human being. Who is trying so hard, SO SO SO SO SO Hard to do so much.
I have such big dreams, but I cannot achieve them
And not merely because of what I look like right now.
But because I have only this much energy. How much harder? How much more time? How much more effort to achieve what I want?
I am giving up!
Some people are lucky and I am not. I haven’t sulked in my life, ever, NOT ONCE
I have always constantly tried hard, harder than you can imagine.
To become something
It is a prison house, your mind, to desire something and be something else. And try harder than ever.
I know this is just some superficial thing, looks, you can change yourself with a little bit of money and time. I know this means nothing. I would probably be comfortable looking like I used to.
But no, I want to change to achieve what I have set out to achieve. But it is this difficulty, this struggle, this suffering, these mental talks, attempts of motivation and giving up, these failures.
The real struggle is the struggle with self. Is the ability to have realized your powers but your inability of achieving them. It is to have disappointed yourself and to have failed. This is my real sorrow. It is not with how I was born, I on my own, love it and adore it, but, it is my failed attempt at being the person they want me to be, that to me, my success to get there is hindered. This is my real struggle.
I am probably a good person but I haven't taken the time to fill out my profile, so you'll never know!