That's why I hate those rat bastards. And they think they're so special. . .

    You think big government will save us from big business

Nothing saves us from big business besides big regulation.

    You think it’s wrong to draw conclusions about groups of people (like Muslims) based on the actions of a few, but think all opponents of the Ground Zero Mosques are bigots … based on the actions of a few

Opponents of the ground zero mosque are usually igonrant that traditional Islam had nothing to do with 9/11, of the actual location of the structure, and that it is not a mosque. Bigotry is irrelevant.

    You think murderers have the right to live, but unborn babies don’t.

To claim to know when life begins is selfish, and establishing laws extrapolated from such irrationalities is unjust and arrogant.

    You think drugs should be legal, but fast food shouldn’t

No, I think they need to be both legal and taxed.

    You are a fervent supporter of the first amendment, but think Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly should be forced off the air.

And such is my first amendment right, no? Action dictates the breach here, and there is no such action provided.

    You think racism is wrong, but draw meaningful conclusions about a social or political movement based on the fact a majority of its proponents are white

I don't understand where this came from. Oh, the tea party? Yeah they're just bunch of angry white guys alright.

    You think it’s wrong to legislate morality and prove it by consistently legislating morality.

Example requested.

    You think conservatives are Nazis, bigots, homophobes, “tea baggers” and nutjobs, but stand firmly against hate speech.

All of those things can indeed be found in the conservative party, as can they in any other.

    You believe in freedom of religion (there’s that pesky first amendment again) but hate Christians and find the word “God” offensive.

Those whom hate Christians and find the word God offensive are not exclusive of the group that believe in the freedom of religion. Another assumption made from the stunning disregard towards philosophy.

    You have a “coexist” bumper sticker, but think all conservatives should die.

A random claim, at best.

    You think Che Guevara liked black people.

...

    You think the government should stay out of your bedroom, but want it to interfere everyplace else.

No, the government is a utility that should be used properly.

    You believe in a free Internet, completely controlled by the FCC.

Says who?

    You refer to the nation’s most successful news network as “Faux News,” while getting your information from Media Matters and Huffington Post.

Success does not correlate just. Napoeon was successful. Hitler was successful. The black plague was successful.

    You think Andrew Breitbart should go to jail, but Mumia should be freed.

...

    You are gay and support Palestine, where it is illegal to be gay.

The fact that I am straight has heretodate had no influence on my political beliefs. Palestine can be left to it's own meddling for all I care.

    You think government corruption is wrong, but are in full support of the UN where corruption has run rampant.

Who doesn't think government corruption is wrong? Who doesn't want nations to converse?

    You think there’s anything courageous about restraint.

Huh?

    You believe in freedom of the press, as long as that press is reactionary and liberal. Otherwise, not so much.

Again, one can believe in freedom while still holding personal beliefs.

    You hate Ann Coulter, but love Lisa Lampanelli.

What is the link here? How does an ignorant pundit have anything to do with a stand-up comedian?

    You think taking from the rich to give to the poor is just, so that the poor can become rich, upon which money will be taken from them to give to the poor, etc

That is as well not true. Giving money to the poor is not done in the hopes that they will beome rich, but rather that they can strattle just above the poverty line as productive members of society; at which point, they no longer need support.

    You are a strong supporter of feminism as the idea that women are strong, independent and powerful, but Sarah Palin should STFU.

(Written on hand) Just because Palin is woman, not prevent her from being idiot.

    You think all “minorities” should be treated equally, but ridicule any member of such a group who doesn’t think or vote according to the progressive agenda.

Ridicule is a very accusing statement Joe. Both parties are upset about the choices of another, regardless of race. Little known fact, there is no statistical minority in America. Majority and minority statistics are taken only when there are only two group classifications to be compared with one another, otherwise it is considered a plurality.

    You think a handful of anti-Muslim incidents proves all conservatives are evil, whereas thousands upon thousands of suicide bombings and terrorist attacks by radical Muslims says nothing about Islam.

No. Radicalism is radicalism, and is best avoided at any rate.

    You support gay rights, but are convinced all gay conservatives are self-loathing and should be silenced.

Another thoughtless claim...

    You report this post as spam or abusive because you don’t like it.

No, that makes you weak-minded.

That's pretty much what liberals stand for and I'm proud that this confuses that other party. What is it they stand for? Hell no party. No to anything that makes sense. That about sums it up.

In short, you might be a liberal if you're a hypocrite. ;)

Boy, am I glad I don't fit any of those descriptions.