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If you look after your elderly parents, then you can say stuff to them like, "As long as you live under my roof, you follow my rules."
You can also make them eat their vegetables and send them to their room if they refuse, or take away their iPod, internet access, porn, drugs, etc. The list is endless.
Just think of it as pay-back and remind them, "Pay-back's a bitch" ;)
I'm not saying "Everyone must look after their elderly parents!" Because it's not that simple, I think children owe it to their parents to look after them in the way of helping them move into a nursing home or taking them to the doctor, stuff like that.
Why do you think children "owe it" to their parents even to do that? Owing them implies that children have a responsibility towards their parents to some degree. How could that be possible if they didn't have a choice?
I don't know.... I guess parents GIVING BIRTH TO US AND RAISING US AND TAKING CARE OF US AND WORKING TO PROVIDE FOR US, there isn't anything we owe them.....
You're assuming that all parents do those things. What about parents who adopt? What about when one parent leaves? What about abusive/neglectful parents?
*reality check
Having and raising children is still a choice on the part of the parent(s), not the child. So even if parents are really great there's no reason why their child would be obligated to do anything for them. Of course, I think really good parents would have children that want to take care of them if/when they need to, but not because it's their duty as their child.
1st point-I think your missing the point, those examples you listed are exceptions to the rule.
2nd point-Not everyone CHOOSES to have a child sometimes accidents happen and whether a couple is ready to have a child or not doesn't matter.
3rd-Your young now but I'm sure when your older you'll want your children to come and visit you and take you places that you wouldn't normally be able to go. There's nothing worse than spending your elderly years alone, think about that before you reply.
If there are exceptions you cannot make it a universal rule. I don't think I'm missing the point, because the fact is that there are some bad parents out there. I thought this debate was about whether or not children should look after their elderly parents. If this debate is about whether or not some children should look after their elderly parents if they were really good parents (which is subjective), I would still disagree.
All parents do have a choice in having a child. Even if they accidentally get pregnant, they can choose to give up their child for adoption to parents who want them. They do make the choice to have and raise children, unless someone is holding a gun to their head.
I don't want to have children. However if I did, I would want to be the best parent possible because children can't choose who their parents are. If I had kids I would want to have a great relationship with them, so I would try my hardest to be a loving and positive influence in their lives. If they chose not to see me when I was old, I would not resent them for it. I would not expect them to take care of me just because I gave birth to them. I would wonder what it was I did wrong, that they didn't want to see me.
I never said anything like that. Did you miss the many times where I said that if a child has good parents, they might choose to take care of them. Not out of obligation, but because they want to?
I never mentioned my personal feelings about my own parents. That's irrelevant to this debate.
You shouldn't have children. Because they might be like me (whatever that means to you, seeing as how you don't know me at all), and as you said, you would hate that. Children aren't obedient slaves to love and take care of you unconditionally.
Parents and children should feel the need to care for each other. If the conditions were right, the elderly and the children of the elderly should look at it as a thank you. And under that regard, being the ethical choice.
Parents decide to have children, not the other way around. Since children don't get to choose their parents I don't see why they should look after them. Perhaps they would want to and they can certainly make that choice, but there's no reason why they "should".
It's true children can't choose their parents but parents can't choose their children either can they? I mean, obviously the parents would want good kids but they don't necessarily get that, so in that sense parents don't have to look after their children either right? And also, after parents do all that they did for you, it doesn't feel right to abandon them in their old age, if they were there for you their whole life, shouldn't we be there when they need us?
You assume that parents are always "there for [the child's] whole life". That's not always true and not to the same degree. Your idea of a good parent could be vastly different from mine.
I think you misunderstood why choice is important in the case of responsibility. Parents might not be able to choose what their children are like, but they can choose whether or not to have children at all (or raise children). That is where the claim to responsibility lies.
Other than your feelings that parents shouldn't be abandoned in a time of need, what reason should a child look after their parents if they don't want to? Some elderly people have no children at all, so wouldn't you be more concerned with them? What about children who are abandoned by their parents in a time of need? That would be infinitely worse, wouldn't you agree?
Your always saying "That's not always true" "Sometimes parents are bad" Sometimes children are bad" Sometimes this, Sometimes that.
You have a long list of exceptions but then you say "Parents choose to have children" Like it's in black and white.
What if it's against the family's beliefs to have an abortion or they can't afford it? Maybe some family members want to keep the child and not go for adoption, maybe they were to embarrassed to give their child up for adoption? Maybe they saw that as being weak and thought they were stronger than that.
It doesn't matter if it's due to religious beliefs, embarrassment or any other reason. It's still a choice the parents make, even if it's a bad one.
The difference between my exceptions and yours is that mine address your claim and prove it false- that not all parents are good. Examples of parents using poor judgment doesn't make your case any stronger. If parents make bad decisions why does that mean children should look after them when they're older? I still don't see why children should look after their parents even if they were the greatest parents in the world.
Okay, for a start- I NEVER SAID ALL PARENTS WERE GOOD
I said Children should help their parents in the way of taking them to the doctor.I also said that not every child should look after that parent "It's not that simple" I said.
NEVER said all parents were good
NEVER said ALL children should help out
I intend to and I hope my children do to, it's just the decent thing to do.
Do you think it's "decent" for children to look after their parents even if they were bad parents? What are you claiming, if anything? You never said that all children should help out, but do you think that some should?
I can see from you distinctive personality that you are an individual who doesn't accept or follow obligations and expectations that other make as you are independent and want to make your own decisions. Perhaps you have differing views from your parents or have experienced something negative regarding this personal issue.
True Kindness or "Decency" is defined as helping someone who has no way of repaying you. In their old age my parents will no longer have any way of repaying me but I will independently choose to do so anyway as I am choosing to be kind and decent. This shows character and integrity, it may not be in your list of morals but it reflects mine. It's like asking the question
"Should everyone be kind?" of course the answer is yes. BUT
"Will everyone be kind?" the answer is no. Substitute kind for look after their elderly parents* and you can see why I choose this side of the debate. Yes there are a long list of exceptions but at the end of the day if I was asked
"Will you look after your elderly parents?" my answer would be yes.
All you people who said they are going to look after their elderly parents, come back here after changing a few diapers and let me know how that worked out for you ;)
I think it may collide negatively with social issues.
There are Young Carers all across the country and every day they have to deal with the hardhsips of caring for other people. They are rarely given a break and work long hours to look after their parents/grandparents/someone else.
This means that their work and the time they can put into it is limited and their overall social capacity is pretty much destroyed. There are charities to help with this, but they cannot solve everything.
To make this mandatory you would be intentionally condemning people to a lack of social and mental capacity as they have to work and care for other people. It is not a good idea.
Mandatory is not how I defined this topic, I interpreted it as should meaning to indicate duty. Children have a duty to look after their elderly parents. Like I said in my earlier arguments everyone's situation is different and I don't want to create rules that govern society. I just feel that looking after, as in regularly visiting or taking them to the doctor or out for a meal, is an admirable feat that could be considered a duty of children to care for their parents. Warranted it is not for everyone.
I've learned so much about this honestly,from my own experience & other people's. I've been the family martyr since I was young . I was abused by my parents, between them, in every possible way, but I was brought up (confusingly) very religiously ! I thought it was what God wanted you to do, to be nice , to be a good & kind person. Well that's not true . People want you to be a "nice" person, because a nice person...does what everyone else wants ! I know & have known a lot of people who gave up careers, dreams etc to look after a parent. It's always the "nice" one in the family who takes the most responsibility. And in my experience, that's the one with the least confidence (the one who's been bullied & criticised the most, and made to feel they have to "be nice" because by then that person feels that inherently ,they're NOT ! This person feels a NEED to be nice & thinks deeply in their psyche by then, especially if religious beliefs are involved in creating their personallity , That they SHOULD .
Everyone I know or have known who did this, ended up very bitter, and very often, with a SEVERE ILLNESS ! I had a cancer scare ! But I know different Now ! I really need to share it.
It's an " energetic thing ". Negativity Gets You Down ! !.......LOVE IS FREE ! ! This is how you really love each other . They had this same stupid idea ! ! WE're all so"Co-Dependent" Thinking everyone is responsible for each other is what CAUSES the ME-ME-ME THING ! ....IN ALL OF US ! ! Physical illness is a manifestation of Guilty, Angry, Needy thoughts . We are love, We give love because we are love ...When it feels easy, I think love is actually a very EASY thing really ! ! No obligiago ! ! God (or whatever you want to call that) Is LOVE, LOVE IS FREE (not to be confused with the "term" "Free Love" :) I'm not sure about that ! :) But I think love and repect, loyalty and all those things , should never be in any way forced. It's tough poo if someone's ill really, you will take that negativity on , in one form or another, if you don't stay free inside. Let the buggers get on with it unless you feel like it ! It's all about Self-Love , first .