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Debate Info

29
12
Primarily due to parenting Parenting is not primary cause
Debate Score:41
Arguments:57
Total Votes:41
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 Primarily due to parenting (28)
 
 Parenting is not primary cause (12)

Debate Creator

Coldfire(1014) pic



Children who misbehave

Google “misbehavior” and the resulting images show several kids grimacing, plugging their ears, sticking their tongue out and peeing on things.

Have you ever witnessed a kid in a store bossing their parents around and throwing a fit? And then a few isles over a different child stands quietly looking at toys with her arms crossed at ease behind her back?

Are some kids just naturally born to be mischievous and unruly? Or is it primarily due to their upbringing?

Something else maybe?

What is the primary cause of children's improper, inappropriate, or bad behavior?

Primarily due to parenting

Side Score: 29
VS.

Parenting is not primary cause

Side Score: 12
2 points

Parenting- Children only see what there parents do and how they talk. Yes, there are traits that will be passed down, but overall a child particularly from ages 1-4 will only imitate what they see and hear. What baffles me is how toddlers will cuss and parents will think its funny. It's completely absurd.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

My sister cusses around her kids... It drives me insane. How can you punish a kid for saying something you say all the time.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
Coldfire(1014) Clarified
1 point

How can you punish a kid for saying something you say all the time

Same way I can have a drink and still see fit to get onto my kid if they get into my liquor cabinet.

Not that they would… they understand that there are some things that adults do that they aren’t allowed to do.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

All the pictures you see when doing the search are after years of parents screwing up. Children learn quickly what they can get away with and it is because the parents did something wrong.

Side: Primarily due to parenting

Of course there will be kids with problems that, regardless of parenting, will make them have awful behavior. I think that is a very small amount of kids. Most badly behaved kids do so because of bad parenting: lack of discipline, bad diets, abuse, etc.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

kids are meant to be mischievous. that's the best part about being a kid. you get to be all that and your still adored.

but misbehavior of kids is usually linked to lac of discipline(like you said) or too much of it.

most kids only hear NO this and NO that. which is why they end up doing everything they would do, initially careful to make sure their parents are not around, and later not caring.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
Coldfire(1014) Disputed
1 point

kids are meant to be mischievous. that's the best part about being a kid. you get to be all that and your still adored.

I don’t agree with this sentiment.

most kids only hear NO this and NO that.

Indeed, there are many things that are not appropriate for a kid to do, it’s important that they understand this. Lessons like this lead to law abiding behavior in adults.

which is why they end up doing everything they would do.

I think you are missing an element to the equation. Telling a kid no doesn’t lead to disobedience; there’s usually a factor between the parent saying no and the child misbehaving that causes the misbehavior. Otherwise how would you explain children who genuinely do what they’re told and don’t misbehave? Is it because they aren’t told no, or because they obey their parents lessons?

My experience may not be worth anything to you, but it tells me that disobedience is rooted in disrespect and lack of trust; it goes back to bad parenting. A parent who doesn’t teach a child respect, or who keeps going back on his word will lead to a child who doesn’t listen.

Side: Parenting is not primary cause
1 point

Kids are born mischievous, and I really try not to judge parents as I don't have any kids yet and who knows if I'll be a good parent or a bad parent.. But there are some pretty insane theories out there on how to raise kids. Children need structure and discipline to rise to their potential.

I highly recommend the show "world's strictest parents" if you are interested. They take troubled teens and drop them off with some crazy strict parents for a week and, after some resistance, they usually have good results.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

It's the parents who don't take the time and teach their kids manners or teach them what is right and wrong. Or even spank the kid.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

and its also the parents who teach them too many manners and make their kids behave like adults.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

You don't even have to spank the kid. You just need to make sure the kid understands right from wrong. It is the parents ignoring the child that causes the problem. You are on the right track here.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
Srom(12201) Clarified
1 point

Sometimes you're going to need to spank the kid because they sometimes don't learn even if you tell them right from wrong. Like for instance if I had a kid, and I told them to not do something and yet they do the thing, I told them to over and over again and I told them to not do it, I would spank my kid.

Side: Primarily due to parenting

Parenting mainly. Children are at a stage in their lives when they'll absorb any information given, and they will use that information to develop their personality and behaviour.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

most cases i've seen, are primarily due to parenting. most parents want their kids to be extremely disciplined and well mannered. and that makes them seem un-childlike(?). also, when their parents are not around they do all the things they wouldn't do around their parents.

usually some kids are just fed up with their parents and therefore wreak havoc right in front of them.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
Coldfire(1014) Clarified
1 point

usually some kids are just fed up with their parents and therefore wreak havoc right in front of them.

I see this as a cry for attention, not a sign of too much discipline.

Children crave attention. If they don’t get attention, they will seek it. They learn rather quickly that negative attention is much easier than trying to impress. The child who knocks over a vase gets a lot more attention than the one who sits quietly and behaves.

To counter this, part of good parenting is remembering to reward good behavior instead of almost exclusively punishing the bad.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

Personally, my parents were rather strict with me a child. This actually worked and I was raised to be well-behaved and well-mannered. If parents allowed their children to do whatever the hell they wanted, that would be bad parenting. Children need to be taught the rights and wrongs at a young age.

Side: Primarily due to parenting

Im sure theres also alot to do with just differences in body chemistry and psychology of the child. Though im fairly certain parenting methods can be employed to balance out these things. In the end it does come down to parenting i feel.

Side: Parenting is not primary cause
mitgag(1652) Disputed
1 point

and so parenting is the primary cause.

Side: Primarily due to parenting

EVERY kid misbehaves sooner or later. Sometimes from ignorance or short attention span, sometimes to test their limits, sometimes because of being fooled by their peers, sometimes due to physiological or physiological issues. Bad parenting CAN lead to it, but each child is different, and for that matter, most instances of disobedience are too.

Side: Parenting is not primary cause
Cartman(18192) Disputed
1 point

What causes that to happen more than once? A single action is not a behavior. What is the reason why kids do the same bad actions over and over? Isn't it because the parents don't discipline the first time it happens and stop the action from becoming a behavior?

Side: Primarily due to parenting
MuckaMcCaw(1968) Disputed
1 point

What is the reason why kids do the same bad actions over and over?

Check with the kid. A lot of times it has to do with biology. A lot of times it is due to peer influence. Sometimes the kids is a natural rebel who realizes that the parents can't really harm him/her, or even keep them in the house.

My parents were very strict and controlling. They also made it very clear that "Drugs are bad m'kay". I did all kinds of drugs in high school, they disciplined me, I rebelled more. By positioning themselves as my enemy (from my perspective) they made me more inclined to be disobedient.

Meanwhile, one of the least problematic girls I ever met came from a family where the parents were never there and had few rules.

Discipline is no guarantee of compliance, never has been.

Side: Parenting is not primary cause

I don't believe parenting to be the primary factor in most cases, although one could assert that a lack of parenting is a significant cause.

In the majority of nuclear families, both parents work full time. Let's say that parents get up at 7 and leave at 730 to work from 8-5, get home around 530, there is a single child that goes to bed at 9, and roughly the same wakeup/bedtime schedule is followed over weekends (somewhat arbitrary, for the sake of argument).

So, from 7 AM till 9 PM, 14 hours pass per day. Of these, parents are directly involved with their child about 4 hours per weekday, and about 14 hours per weekend day. That boils down to 48 hours under direct care of the parents, and 50 hours under the direct care of babysitters/daycare/our school system/other. While the parents still, in this model, represent the single largest influence on the child, they still do not represent a majority influence.

The problems are further exacerbated in single parent families, and families with more than one child.

Exceptions to this, where at least one parent is at home full time, are typically restricted to those in poverty, and those in the upper middle class and up. Living in poverty is itself has a strong tendency to engender misbehavior and even crime- and any case where employment is not taken seriously (whether due to receiving handouts from the government, or simply being already affluent) itself has a negative influence on children, engendering what we refer to as entitlement.

While parenting is certainly a factor, we are sorely lacking in solidarity regarding how children 'should' be raised, and by extension in our ability to educate parents and prospective parents. Even if parenting could be said to be a primary cause, it's not something that we can generally find fault in without a consensus regarding parenting methods and the ability to educate parents regarding said methods. It's very easy to blame something on 'bad parenting' when you don't bother to provide a definition of 'good parenting-' however, defining good and bad parenting objectively is significantly harder.

Culture, and a childs social circle beyond his or her parents, tend to be larger overall influences even when children are very young, in my opinion. As children get older, those outside influences become more and more significant.

Our culture and economy, in my opinion, are the primary causes for misbehavior in children, and themselves have an effect on parenting as well.

Side: Parenting is not primary cause
Coldfire(1014) Clarified
1 point

I don't believe parenting to be the primary factor in most cases, although one could assert that a lack of parenting is a significant cause.

Couldn’t one also assert that a parent’s lack of concern in their child’s upbringing is an example of poor parenting?

I think I agree with your concept that “it’s not parenting, but a lack there of” if by “parenting” you mean to exclude bad parenting methods from good ones. But, I think you may agree, given the dialog you use in your comment, that poor parenting is a parenting nonetheless.

we are sorely lacking in solidarity regarding how children 'should' be raised, and by extension in our ability to educate parents and prospective parents… It's very easy to blame something on 'bad parenting' when you don't bother to provide a definition of 'good parenting-' however, defining good and bad parenting objectively is significantly harder.

While I recognize that there are different children and so certain methods in parenting will have differing results, I don’t think an objective consensus is the goal. Still, there’s a large amount of study in child psychology which can offer much insight on how a child develops and thinks which in turn could be used to guide parents and prospective parents.

I think the difficulty in teaching comes from an overwhelming amount of soidistant experts out there who think that they are good at parenting by virtue of having born kids, or because “that’s the way my parents did it… and I turned out GREAT!” To attempt to teach them what has been proven as effective or not would be taken as a suggestion that they are not good parents, and it pricks them.

Our culture and economy, in my opinion, are the primary causes for misbehavior in children, and themselves have an effect on parenting as well.

I agree. Could it be that the culture and economy are more of an indirect influence and parenting is more of a direct one?

Side: Primarily due to parenting
thousandin1(1932) Clarified
1 point

Couldn’t one also assert that a parent’s lack of concern in their child’s upbringing is an example of poor parenting?

Oh, certainly. But I don't think it's always that case- in many cases it's simply a matter of not having enough hours in the day. Even if he taught great values, you wouldn't call a man a good father if his children were going without necessities.

I think I agree with your concept that “it’s not parenting, but a lack there of” if by “parenting” you mean to exclude bad parenting methods from good ones. But, I think you may agree, given the dialog you use in your comment, that poor parenting is a parenting nonetheless.

Poor parenting is parenting- but absence, either due to neglect (dad abandoned us) or due to necessity (dad works 80 hours a week), is not good parenting or bad parenting, but rather a lack of parenting.

I agree. Could it be that the culture and economy are more of an indirect influence and parenting is more of a direct one?

I'd be fine with calling economy an indirect influence, but I'd rate culture as more of a direct one personally. I'd also assert that a direct influence is not necessarily more influential than an indirect one.

Side: Primarily due to parenting
1 point

Children misbehave for several reasons. Sometimes it is due, in part, to some type of psychopathology, other times it is due to their personality, disposition, or attachment style. Other causes could be due to parenting styles, diet, socioeconomic status, genetics, their current developmental stage, culture, family make-up, and many many other factors. There is no one single factor that causes a child to misbehave; it's a product of a multitude of things.

Side: Parenting is not primary cause