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Debate Info

51
34
honesty harmony
Debate Score:85
Arguments:40
Total Votes:102
Ended:08/13/08
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Argument Ratio

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 honesty (23)
 
 harmony (17)

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Renald(28) pic



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Do you prefer honesty or harmony in a relationship?

"I don't like to pick a fight!"

Telling everything to your partner, being open and honest seems to be highly appreciated. But sometimes it's wise to shut up if you want to keep harmony, a positive flow in the relationship. Now what do you think is more important: being honest or maintaining harmony?

honesty

Side Score: 51
Winning Side!
VS.

harmony

Side Score: 34
6 points

to be frank, i don't think you can harmonize if you can't be honest. i mean, you don't tell the truth, the other person can't believe everything you say, hence disturbing the harmony. i really think you need one to get the other.

Side: honesty
3 points

Lying to each other to keep things smooth in a relationship backfires too much. Little lies need larger lies to stay correct, and after a while, people stop trusting each other. A real relationship is based on accepting the people you are, not the fake image you have.

Side: honesty
altarion(1955) Disputed
3 points

You don't have to lie to keep secrets. You just don't tell the whole truth. Its much different than lying. Lying is saying something that isn't true, while keeping a secret is not saying something at all. So lets say you had rough anal sex with another guy, and you promised that guy you wouldn't tell anyone about it. If your wife asked you if you have ever had rough anal sex what are you going to say? She will question you if you say yes, but if you simply say "Nope, not I." then that's the end of it. Plus if you tell her you will have lied to that other guy.

Side: harmony
Bradf0rd(1431) Disputed
1 point

Not telling is lying.

If you don't agree, you can clear your conscience but can you prove that not telling whatever you chose actually serves the relationship better than telling? If it's not detrimental to the health of the relationship, why not tell anyway!?.

I don't know about any of you, but I'm currently in a relationship with one of my best friends. I wouldn't not tell her something because it doesn't mean anything to us, I would tell her. If it did mean something to us, I have to tell her, it's my obligation to talk to her about my end of the relationship, and because she cares, and I care about us, we work on things together. It's either that, or whatever we feel we need to talk about turns into a counseling session where we just vent and that's always good for individual health.

Side: honesty
Renald(28) Disputed
2 points

Do you consider not telling on the same level as lying?

I think being honest is something different then lying. Keeping information to yourself is not lying, downgrading true feelings is not lying.

Side: honesty
Bradf0rd(1431) Disputed
1 point

Yes, not telling is NOT being honest, and downgrading is lying.

To lie is to intentionally reflect a false reality.

Side: honesty
1 point

In my opinion, honesty is the cornerstone upon which a harmonious relationship is built (because honesty is trust). Without honesty, I would find it very difficult, if not impossible) to find harmony in a relationship.

Side: honesty
Renald(28) Disputed
2 points

Honesty does not equal trust. Some people have a tendency to trust everybody, for example people who trust sales employees based on maybe arbitrair criteria.

Some people start to trust after repetition (amount of exposure to information, experience). Some people start to trust over a period of time, after the idea has solified in their mind. Some people will never trust.

In all the cases they might be confronted with information which might be dishonest from start to finish. I think this is a good trade off from politics.

Side: trust
0 points

Little white lie's been around for years

Little white lie's ringing in your ears

Turn around come around back on you

Well that little white lie's catching up to you

Little white lie

Say what you got to

Little white lie

Come back to haunt you

Little white lie

Got one, you got two

Little white lie

Little White Lie
Side: honesty
3 points

Honesty leads to harmony!

Side: honesty
Renald(28) Disputed
3 points

So harmony is the end goal, the higher good, right?

Side: harmony

I would say so. What is the point of being in a non-harmonious relationship... other than those we have to be in such as us with the IRS.

Side: harmony
1 point

...or breaking up.

But then again a relationship built on dishonesty would most likely end badly anyway.

Side: honesty
2 points

Honesty. If there's anything in a relationship that needs mending, or in other words, something that isn't being said for the sake of harmony it's probably pretty crucial to the relationship or friendship of the two people involved.

If it's detrimental to the relationship, so be it, move on. It's better that those things come out than have two people forcing themselves to live with each other unhappily.

If it isn't detrimental to the relationship, work it out. Both of the people in the relationship and the relationship itself will grow and strengthen.

Relationships are like cars. If you don't maintain them as you should, you will have bigger problems down the road... rather than changing the oil every three thousand miles, you'll be replacing the valves, lifters, push rods, cam bearings, seals, etc.

Harmony is a bad thing anyhow, it does nothing but prolong the inevitable and make people stale. Just deal with your problems, it's not really that difficult and it's definitely not life threatening.

Side: honesty

I truly believe that honesty creates harmony in any relationship if both parties are well adjusted. Simply going with the flow in order to avoid conflict or hurting ones feelings can create disharmony and exacerbate conflict. One does not have to be mean or disrespectful when being honest. You've heard the very old and true expression; "It's not what you say but how you say it." Being gentle and courteous can help the other person be more receptive and accepting of what you are saying to them without being defensive and/or offensive in their reactions. Yes, honesty IS the best policy...it instills trust in one another and keeps the relationship harmonious!

Side: Honesty IS the best policy
Renald(28) Disputed
2 points

As I see it you mean that harmony is a goal and honesty a resource.

Side: harmony

I have found that the truth will set you free.

One time this guy was dating this girl but he wanted out and I told him, "The truth will set you free" so the next time she asked him if her pants made her ass look big he said, "No, your fat ass makes your ass look big!" and she dumped him. So you see, it worked!

Here's another bit of Joe Cavalry wisdom ('cause if you read this far...) If you accept someone for who they truly are, then honesty and harmony should follow.

Side: acceptance
4 points

i agree with joecavalry

Side: honesty
2 points

I agree with those who believe that honesty leads to harmony. One can go along to get along in a relationship, but real intimacy and trust are the result of repeated acts of honesty and personal openness. This honesty is different than just being tactful and polite; sometimes your honest opinion is the only thing that matters. You don't have to be rude when you speak truth to your lover and/or friend, just tell them what you think. Sometimes they have no idea what's going on or how others may see them. Let love be the basis for your honesty, and be sure that your friend/lover knows that. Ultimately, honesty is better than an illusion of harmony.

Side: Honesty leads to harmony
0 points

As for me i do not see any difficulties in being honest with your partner and keeping harmony in a relationship.

I mean come on that's a person that u spend so much time with. A person that u're devoted to. And u'll start lying to her?

Or "not tell the truth" which is the same for me.

I don't see anything that is worth not telling.

If there are some problems with you or your partner - it is much easier to solve them together.

I don't take cheating into consideration 'cause well if you cheat - you have no harmony whatsoever. You can either tell or not - the relationship is over anyways.

Side: honesty
Renald(28) Disputed
1 point

Telling the truth can also be just a way of getting rid of your own negative feelings and planting a seed of distrust in your partner. The truth is determined by your perspective, which in most cases is a positive intention for yourself.

That's unfair like saying: "Now don't get angry, I have something to tell you...". You might hope the response is in line with your expectations and intentions, but you can not go ahead and mind read on how the actual emotional response is upfront.

"I did not intent to kiss him, it just happened...but it didn't mean anything!!" To you it might not, but it's not up to you to decide how the other responds. Being honest can crumble down a relationship, while your intention might actually be to love your partner until death (and maybe beyond) and share a harmonious life.

Even though honesty might be a noble principle, harmony seems to be a goal or to me a preferred status.

Side: harmony
0 points

For the most part, honesty is the best choice, though that is not to say that you should never lie if it is necessary, but for the most part, honesty is the way to go.

Side: honesty
Renald(28) Disputed
1 point

Honesty might be your starting point, an agreement between two partners. Harmony is not something you can initially agree upon. It needs to grow, it's a goal. Honesty is one of the criteria that leads to harmony.

Side: agreement
-1 points

Do you prefer honesty vnc

Side: harmony
-1 points

If you cant have an honest relationship whats the point? when something big comes up in the relationship you wont be able to deal with it as well as an honest relationship. fighting is a part of every relationship. it makes you stronger as a couple. if you avoid every argument you might have there's a fair chance you'll break up in the near future. there is this space between you that get bigger with everything you dont say to each other.

Side: honesty
Renald(28) Disputed
1 point

A harmonious relationship can deal with dishonesty, not being honest will never result in harmony between partners.

Side: relationship
4 points

Honesty is overrated. Everyone has their secrets and that's cool. Some even have secrets that they will take to their graves. I wouldn't ever patronize my lover to tell me the truth all the time. Harmony is just so much smoother.

Side: harmony
3 points

I think its overrated too. It takes more effort to creating and maintaining harmony. Being honest sometimes seems just an easy way out.

Side: harmony
Bradf0rd(1431) Disputed
2 points

There's a difference, I think, and a clear one, between the things that should be said between two people, and what should not be said or heard by anyone.

The things that deal with the relationship should be heard by the people in the relationship. If you're taking secrets to the grave, so be it as so long as they are not imperative to the relationship.

Side: honesty
4 points

I agree completely. If it should be said, then say what you have to, but if it's better off a secret and doesn't hurt the other person in your relationship not to know, then I guess it wouldn't hurt to keep it quite.

But if it should and you are to not say anything, you'll end up turning into a prisoner of unsaid words, and things will only get harder; it might even hurt.

Side: honesty
2 points

I 100% agree. But if you love the person you are with and you know that what you might tell her, even if it is imperative to your relationship, would possibly end it, I think that something of that sort should be kept silent.

Side: harmony
2 points

I prefer harmony because it keeps me in a good relationship. Honesty could mean talking about things that might hurt my partner. If I know I don't want that to happen I can say my intentions towards the relationship are positive. If I want to be honest, even though I know it will hurt my partners feelings, I have to second guess my intentions. It simply might be a way of getting out.

Side: relationship
Bradf0rd(1431) Disputed
1 point

Harmony for the sake of an ill relationship???

How do you know the real value of the relationship that you are involved with, from both the perspective of your own and the one of your partner? Honesty, I believe, helps carve a clearer, less bias view for both people, of the health of the relationship.

If you both lie constantly, or at least hold things from each other for the sake of upsetting the relationship, you are doing nothing more than giving up your freedom to be controlled by a forced, false and unstable connection between what you make yourself out to be, and what she or he makes himself out to be, for the relationship.

If there is something that bothers your significant other about you, wouldn't you want to know about it? How big or how small would the issue have to be for you to want to know about it, or not? Does it matter how big of an issue it is?

Side: honesty
Renald(28) Disputed
2 points

I think a positive relationship has a certain amount of harmony. Honesty to me is just one of the criteria to develop harmony in a relationship. Honesty to me is something more relevant to specific context. Honesty to me is not the same as lying. Harmony and ill relationship do not mix together, there is already a dis-balance which might be caused by dishonesty. Creating and maintaining harmony might result in a longterm positive relationship, I don't think being honest is the only way to get there.

Side: harmony