GET YOUR FUNNIES ON:) Caution:may be offensive to some
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
And I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'
The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'
The old rooster takes off running.. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
When he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squawking
And running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was
greeted by a Young woman with three small children running
around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline.
Have you ever used the product?'
She says, 'Yes.. My husband and I use it all the time.'
'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?'
'We use it for sex.'
The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie
to me and say that they use it on a child's Bicycle chain or
to help with a gate hinge .
But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your
honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me
exactly how you use it for sex?'
The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all...
My husband and I put it on the
door knob and it keeps the kids out.'
And just wot were you thinkin'?
Little Joe was sitting in the lounge playing with his train set...."chuka chuka chuka chuka,choochoo pshh" he says, as he pulls the train into the station."all you arseholes that wanna git off, git off!,all you arseholes that wanna git on, git on!"and then pulls the train out of the station.His mom who was in the kitchen and not believing what she heard, went to the door to listen. "chuka chuka chuka choo choo pshhh"says lil joe as he pulls up at the station, "all you arshOWW" BOOF his mom wacks him up the back of the head"GET TO YOUR ROOM AND DONT COME OUT TIL YOU THINK ABOUT IT!", She yells glaring at him.so lil joe,rubbing his head and in tears, drudges off to his room.Ten minutes later,mom hears his little footsteps and goes to the door of the kitchen to listen again, to see if he had learnt his lesson."chukachuka choo choo,pshh",he says quietly,as he pulls his lil train into the station,"all you nice people who would like to get off ,get off.All you nice people that want to get on, get on." his mom, satisfied, turned to walk away,and just as she did, she heard joe say,"And if you would like to know why the train is late.".................................
My sister just emailed this to me .
Hope you like it.
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests itself:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my cheque book off the table,
and see that there is only one cheque left
My extra cheques are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my cheques,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail..
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but are real easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now, men.... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the sh*t out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many."
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!"
The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds", and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
. At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
· At age 12, success is...having friends.
· At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
· At age 20, success is...having sex.
· At age 35, success is...having money.
· At age 50, success is...having money.
· At age 60, success is...having sex.
· At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
· At age 75, success is...having friends.
· At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.
Here is some more jokes sent to me by Dean @
T H A T' S C O M E D Y!
One day, a rabbit managed to break free from his cage in the
laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away
from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little
feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
"Wow, this is great!" he thought. It wasn't long before he came
to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful
sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just
escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to
them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good.
"What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got
carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."
This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the
most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them
again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat
them as well."
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later
completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do? " he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke
"There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits
there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field.
"They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it."
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his
little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back
over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted.
"So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.
"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We
thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the
laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."
A guy, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck
and they found themselves stranded on a desert island.
After being there awhile, they got into the habit of going to the
beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular
evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze
was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat
there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm
from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to
enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the
most beautiful woman the guy had ever seen. She was in a pretty
bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to
their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red
sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night
of romance. Pretty soon, the guy started to get "those feelings"
again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave
in, cautiously leaned over to the young woman, and whispered in
her ear... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk"
About 5 minutes after an Okie & his new bride checked into the
honeymoon suite of a fishing resort, the new groom passes thru
the lobby with all his fishing gear, headed for the river.
The desk clerk waves him over. "Hey buddy" he says, "shouldn't
you be upstairs making love to your new bride?"
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got gonorrhea the doc says
no sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to fish"
The next morning, the Okie is on his way thru the lobby with his
fishing gear. Trying to be helpful, the clerk waves him over and
says. "Since you can't have vaginal sex, maybe you could try anal
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got diarrhea the doc says
no anal sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to
The following morning, again trying to be helpful, the clerk
waves the Okie over on his way thru the lobby. "Since you can't
have vaginal sex or anal sex, maybe you could coax her into
performing oral sex for you" he says.
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got pyorrhea her dentist
says no oral sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to
The clerk asks the Okie incredulously, Let me get this straight,
your new bride has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea why the hell
would you marry a girl like that?
"Well" says the Okie, "she's got worms too, and I love to fish!"
A blind old man walks into a wood processing factory in response to an advertisement to be a wood quality tester.
His interviewer exclaims "How can you test wood quality if you cant even see"
The old man replies "Bring me any piece of wood and I'll identify it for you."
Out of curiosity, the interviewer asks his secretary to bring in some wood samples.
Holding a piece of aged oak to the old mans face he says "what do you think that is?"
The old man smells the piece of wood and replies "That is a piece of aged oak"
The interviewer is surprised so he holds up a piece of varnished cedar.
Again the old man sniffs the wood and says "that is cedar, varnished if I might add."
The interviewer now tries to play a trick on the old man, He calls his secretary over and whispers "put your ass up to his face" he then says to the old man "What do you think this is"
The old man takes a sniff and looking confused says "I am not too sure, can you turn it around"
The interviewer waves to his secretary to turn around, and she does, the old man gives another big sniff of the secretaries crotch and exclaims "I know what that is"
"What is it?" questions the interviewer.
"Thats the shit house door from a tuna boat"
There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.
He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.
A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.
Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world."
The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"
The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."
A far more accurate account in the Bears' house of the events on that fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
"It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cats' litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
"And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F*ING PORRIDGE YET".
A couple with their young son decided to spend a day at a nude
beach. After an hour in the sun, the father went for a walk while
the son played in the water.
After a while the boy came up to his mother and said,
"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mother said, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So the boy went back to play. Minutes later the boy returned and
"Mommy, I saw men with willies a lot bigger than daddy's."
The mother said the same thing, "The bigger they are, the dumber
So the boy went back to play. Several minutes later the boy ran
back to his mother and said,
"Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw,
and the more he talked, the dumber he got!"
A woman with a baby came into the doctor's office. She was told
to go into a room and wait for the doctor.
After arriving, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman,
"Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Breast fed" she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a
detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said,
No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."
"Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came.
Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad & the morgue needed
someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl &
Gomer, were sent for.
Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl
"Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said,
"Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought
Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said,
"Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said,
"No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said,
"Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.
Every time we went to town, folks would say,
"Here comes Bubba with them two assholes".
A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when
an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."
The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a
divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no
wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more
country club. But... the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the
restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband.
"Oh," says the wife, "... Ours is prettier."
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older
he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. After being
referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a
doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that
it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which
causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine.
The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to
relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to
live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but
decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital following the surgery, he felt like he
was missing an important part of himself. Just the same, as he
walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I
need: A new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman,
"I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . .Size 44
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job," the salesman replied. Joe tried on the suit. It
fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman
"How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see . . . 34 sleeve and .
. .16-and-a-half neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the
collar in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see . . .9-and-a-
half . . .wide.
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked
comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
"How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see . . .7 and
Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job." The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when
the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see
. . .Size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "No. You can't wear a size 34. "It
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and
give you one hell of a headache."
A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus
conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change.
After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits
her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear
dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on
Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12
pounds of bananas, which he devours. They strap him into the
chair, flip the switch and he just sits there, smiling. According
to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he is
Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily handing out
tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat
on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser,
breaking the offender's neck and killing her.
Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the
12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not
harm him. This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes
him sit in a bucket of water, he tries everything - but the guy
won't die. So again, he is set free.
Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him one day to lose his
temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus
ticket. He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and again
survives the electrocution.
At this point, the failed executioner can take no more, his
professional pride has been hurt. Before setting our friend free
again, he asks him his secret --
"What is it with the bananas?"
"Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it," replies our friend.
"I'm just a bad conductor."
There's a man trying to cross the street.
As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner
and heads straight for him.
The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the
car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes
again and is still coming at him.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just
freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment
and stops next to the man.
The driver rolls down the window. It's a squirrel.
It says, "Not as easy as it looks is it."
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Jenny went straight round to visit her grandmother. When she
asked how her grandpa had died, her gran explained,
"He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Jenny suggested that shagging at the age of 94 was
surely asking for trouble.
"Oh no," her gran replied, "we had sex every Sunday morning, in
time with the church bells - in with the dings and out with the
She paused, and wiped away a tear. "If it wasn't for that damn
ice cream van going past, he'd still be alive."
The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming
at the thousands of people in the forecourt below.
The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, "I bet
you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go
wild with just a wave of my hand."
The Pope says, "No way. You can't do that."
The Queen says, "Watch this."
So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd
goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and
cheering, basically going ballistic.
The Pope thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her
and says, "That's pretty impressive, but I bet you I can make
every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for
the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head."
The Queen goes, "No way, you can't do that."
So the Pope headbutts her.
Some more beauties courtesy of Dean
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she
found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy
her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all
these short term relationships.
"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from
the outside?" she asked earnestly.
"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet," counseled
So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets,
until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment
line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on.
She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took
him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.
When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone
but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read,
"With my compliments. Take this money and go out and buy a pair
of shoes that fit you."
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in
and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms
or legs. The son is just a head!
But the dad loves his son anyway and raises him as well as he
can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar and tearfully tells his son he is proud of
him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With
all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender
shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of
Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.
The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons
chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son
to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he
reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....
then to the right.... right through the front door, into the
street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says,
"That boy should have quit while he was a head."
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy
bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!"
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to their
separate beds. However the man was not yet ready to slumber. He
called over to his wife,
"My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.
On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The
husband with a concerned look on his face says,
"Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?
Come here and let me kiss it better"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have
passionate sex and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she is
returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the
carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor
and says, "Clumsy bitch."