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 Invitation to Wedding from "Oh! Now I'm your friend again?" (2)

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logicaljoe(529) pic

Invitation to Wedding from "Oh! Now I'm your friend again?"

I'm sure most of you have faced this issue.  Some of your so-called "friends" disappear in your life, never call you,
never hang out with you, never invite you, and sometimes for many months or even years.  Then suddenly they call you up out of the blue and get all friendly with you to get re-acquainted.  You realize why.....because they said they are getting married and want you to attend.   I'm split about these things.  So, I wasn't a good enough friend to talk to or hang out with for many months or years, but suddenly I'm a good enough friend to come to your wedding?  Is it because they want my money/gifts or is it because they really miss me as an old friend and want me to be there?

What I don't understand is, would I be an ass to show up to a wedding and give no gift or money?  If it was my close friends that I was always in touch with for many years, yes I would gift. But if it's someone who practically ignored you for a year or more then suddenly gets chummy with you to invite you to their wedding, am I justified to reject the invitation or should I attend but not bother with any lavish money gift which is normally customary?

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1 point

Every friendship varies. Some do wain or fail. It's up to you on a case by case basis. And you can vote with your money or your feet. Don't go, or don't bring a gift, or don't bring a good gift. It's all up to you.

But keep in mind before you judge them too harshly that you may have been invited because someone else was invited. There may have been a circle of friends, or a whole broad group of friends (like peers from high school), in which they knew they definitely were inviting so and so, but then if they invite them then what would you and a bunch of other past friends say or do if they weren't invited, too. That's actually pretty common. The same happens with family. One particular cousin must be invited because they really do have a relationship with the person getting married, but if you invite that cousin then you can't really not invite their sibling, or some other cluster of cousins, etc. It gets tricky figuring out a wedding guest list. Heck, that's often enough reason by itself for people to just go elope.

logicaljoe(529) Clarified
1 point

thanks for the reply.

In my case, I know 100% I was not invited for those reasons stated. We just met as friends about 1.5 years ago and hung out a few times but then he moved away to another city about an hour away. He never contacted me to spoke to me in over a year. I just hate being in this position where I have all these friends who I know for a short time, and then they all get quiet and disappear on me for a lengthy amount of time, then suddenly when it's their wedding, I'm important enough to invite? Wasn't I important enough to call just to say hello or meet up for food? Why all this absence and neglect to our friendship and then when it's convenient for them (getting married), they take me off the shelf and use me now and I have to end up spending lots of money on all these weddings I'm invited to go to.

Grenache(6103) Clarified
1 point

Then I in your shoes would neither go nor gift. ............................................

1 point

I have multiple friends who I don't have much contact with but when we do get together it's like we never broke apart. I think it will always depend on the type of friendship that you have. Life is busy, things happen, sometimes people lose touch. I think your friend may want you back in their life and it's only been a year so, unless there was animosity between the two of you, it's not such a bad thing to accept the invite. As for a gift? Go with what you want, if you don't want to bring a gift then don't. If they throw a hissy fit over not getting anything than you have your answer. In the meantime, if you want of course you should be there for your friend.