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Debate Info

13
13
Yes NO
Debate Score:26
Arguments:18
Total Votes:26
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Argument Ratio

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 Yes (8)
 
 NO (10)

Debate Creator

Saurbaby(5579) pic



Is cheating forgivable?

Yes

Side Score: 13
VS.

NO

Side Score: 13
3 points

I find the popular term "cheating" to be inherently flawed. It makes marriage sound like an onerous and unenjoyable commitment, like going on a diet, and you're constantly tempted to seek distractions. (If your marriage is like that, please get out of it now.)

To me, what is important with relationships aren't physical actions like flirting or having sex; it's the deep emotional bond of mutual trust. What breaks a marriage shouldn't be a simple physical act, but an unmendable violation of that bond of trust.

If you look your husband/wife in the eye and tell them you won't sleep with anyone but them, and then you go and sleep with somebody else, the wrong you've done isn't adultery; it's breaking a promise you made. How big a wrong this is, and whether or not it can be forgiven, will depend on how important the two of you believed this promise to be back when the promise was made, and how important the two of you still believe this promise to be.

And then there is the question: Is there actually a need to make a promise of celibacy outside marriage? I don't think so. I mean, I won't criticise a couple who jointly decide to have sex only with each other, but I would urge them to think carefully about whether or not they actually need to make such a decision. People allow themselves to chat with whoever they like, to play games with whoever they like, to go partying with whoever they like. Why must sex alone be an exclusive act that you can only perform with one person in the world?

Side: yes
3 points

I find the popular term "cheating" to be inherently flawed. It makes marriage sound like an onerous and unenjoyable commitment, like going on a diet, and you're constantly tempted to seek distractions. (If your marriage is like that, please get out of it now.)

Indeed, that's how I look at it. I think most people give too much importance to extramarital sex and other "little things", and often a long and, at least, reasonably nice relashionship with a person that is there for them, ready and willing and loving, gets broken up, and all the companionship and everything else gets thoughtlessly thrown away.

To my understanding, knowing that my partner, for example, had sex elsewhere, but I never noticed, or at least no one else ever noticed because my partner protected my dignity with succesful secrecy, and still never failed or negleted our relashionship in any way despite that, hurts way less than total separation.

(Secrecy isn't much a big deal for me, just enough so I don't get people pointing the finger at me saying "I saw your woman doing this and that, you're a fool if you don't see that" while I'm thinking (or maybe even answering with) "yea sure. I knew that before you did... but now I gotta put up with you and still be categorized as a fool because you're narrow minded... sigh")

Side: yes
2 points

It all depends on what your concept of cheating is. To some, the simple glance at an extramarital person is already enough to start a war of jealousy, while to others there's much to be considered and talked about before taking measures that will probably hurt much more than to simply forgive and forget.

One example I think it's ridiculous is when a person at her 50s, after a long a lovely marrieage, goes insane about a confessession from her companion that he had one lover for one week some time after they got married at their 20s. Like something that happened 30 years ago will ever change anything anymore.

I think that understanding that no one is made of steel and no one is perfect, as long as both person's dignities aren't compromised, is one step towards a healthier union, and sometimes, careful evaluation of a situation could lead to forgiveness.

To me the concept of cheating goes more into the core of the relationship.

My girl having sex once or twice with some guy she REALLY fancied is something I don't get jealous about.

My girlfriend falling in love with some other guy or starting to have less availibility for me due to unclear reasons, lying, or having too much "headache" that starts reducing our "moments of fun" day by day, well that a diferent story. That's a story that would probably not end well.

Side: yes

Cheating is a result of various conditions, a process like anything else.

When those conditions change, there is no need to act as if they haven't.

Side: yes
1 point

If my wife ever cheats, I will leave her, without a word. She is not worth my anger. Therefore, I will forgive her.

Side: yes
1 point

I think it's forgivable, but only the first time it happens. I mean, everyone makes mistakes, and they should get a second chance. I think it should be forgiven the first time, but the second time, you should think long and hard about your relationship with this person.

Side: yes
1 point

I think cheating is forgivable if:

They tell you themselves, it's a sign they want to fix it or break up.

It's physical only

and if it's the first time, we all make mistakes.

But if these all aren't present then it may be forgivable, but not forgotten and I leave.

Side: yes

In my opinion, it is just like any other grievance. To forgive and forget is a hard virtue to practice and it takes a noble person to adhere to it.

Side: Yes
2 points

Well, I suspect cheating is only forgivable if you are telling your priest, not your wife!

Side: No
1 point

absolutely..........that was super cool.......cheating should be with god immortal.....

Side: No
2 points

I've been cheated on twice in my lifetime and the pain in unbearable.

Side: No

I cheated on my wife once. We were playing Monopoly and I stole $100 from the bank and she caught me. She still hasn't forgiven me yet. Wait...., are we talking about the same thing? ;)

Side: No
1 point

LOL XD You always make me laugh.

And what you did was terrible! :O She should never forgive you!

Side: yes
1 point

wow we said the same thing and i didn't even see your post

i wish they didn't get riid of the messedge thing why did they do that

Side: No
1 point

wow your funny you always make me laugh ha ha ha ha do you take anything sirusly!

Side: No

Life is too short to take anything seriously so I try not to ; )

Side: No
1 point

Absolutely not! There is no way to forgive someone who has cheated on you, I don't care how much they want to say it was a mistake.

Side: No
1 point

Cheating Is So Horrible.!! I Would NVR Forgive Sm1 For Cheating On Me.!! They Had Their Chance b4.! Yuu knoo...??? They Skrewed Up..

Side: No