I find the popular term "cheating" to be inherently flawed. It makes marriage sound like an onerous and unenjoyable commitment, like going on a diet, and you're constantly tempted to seek distractions. (If your marriage is like that, please get out of it now.)

To me, what is important with relationships aren't physical actions like flirting or having sex; it's the deep emotional bond of mutual trust. What breaks a marriage shouldn't be a simple physical act, but an unmendable violation of that bond of trust.

If you look your husband/wife in the eye and tell them you won't sleep with anyone but them, and then you go and sleep with somebody else, the wrong you've done isn't adultery; it's breaking a promise you made. How big a wrong this is, and whether or not it can be forgiven, will depend on how important the two of you believed this promise to be back when the promise was made, and how important the two of you still believe this promise to be.

And then there is the question: Is there actually a need to make a promise of celibacy outside marriage? I don't think so. I mean, I won't criticise a couple who jointly decide to have sex only with each other, but I would urge them to think carefully about whether or not they actually need to make such a decision. People allow themselves to chat with whoever they like, to play games with whoever they like, to go partying with whoever they like. Why must sex alone be an exclusive act that you can only perform with one person in the world?

It all depends on what your concept of cheating is. To some, the simple glance at an extramarital person is already enough to start a war of jealousy, while to others there's much to be considered and talked about before taking measures that will probably hurt much more than to simply forgive and forget.

One example I think it's ridiculous is when a person at her 50s, after a long a lovely marrieage, goes insane about a confessession from her companion that he had one lover for one week some time after they got married at their 20s. Like something that happened 30 years ago will ever change anything anymore.

I think that understanding that no one is made of steel and no one is perfect, as long as both person's dignities aren't compromised, is one step towards a healthier union, and sometimes, careful evaluation of a situation could lead to forgiveness.

To me the concept of cheating goes more into the core of the relationship.

My girl having sex once or twice with some guy she REALLY fancied is something I don't get jealous about.

My girlfriend falling in love with some other guy or starting to have less availibility for me due to unclear reasons, lying, or having too much "headache" that starts reducing our "moments of fun" day by day, well that a diferent story. That's a story that would probably not end well.

Cheating is a result of various conditions, a process like anything else.

When those conditions change, there is no need to act as if they haven't.

If my wife ever cheats, I will leave her, without a word. She is not worth my anger. Therefore, I will forgive her.

I think it's forgivable, but only the first time it happens. I mean, everyone makes mistakes, and they should get a second chance. I think it should be forgiven the first time, but the second time, you should think long and hard about your relationship with this person.

I think cheating is forgivable if:

They tell you themselves, it's a sign they want to fix it or break up.

It's physical only

and if it's the first time, we all make mistakes.

But if these all aren't present then it may be forgivable, but not forgotten and I leave.

In my opinion, it is just like any other grievance. To forgive and forget is a hard virtue to practice and it takes a noble person to adhere to it.