It's true that I AM ugly
My story
Anonymous
I am ugly. Struggling with my history of ugliness. A life, a
past, a history full of my unattractive self. It is true that today I work
hard, very hard to look good, reasonably good, to look okay, to look bearable.
I am not attractive. I do not have men swarming around me, begging to talk to
me, dreaming about me, wanting to date me, wanting to live with me. No.
I am an ordinary girl, who has below average looks. And I
have to strive very hard to look even average. No, I am not overweight. But I
have weight issues. I always feel I can look better, feel better, try hard to
work out, to lose just another 5kgs, so my face won’t show this much weight.
I have a fat nose, fat cheeks, and a very awkward, below
average, not so bright smile and a broad forehead. Why am I writing about this?
To deal with the truth, to confront reality that I have to try hard, harder
than most girls to look even remotely okay. And yet, I am reminded of how
ordinary I am by everyone around me. I cannot
Ever, Ever be that girl who gets attention, who is desirous, who will
have an easy way.
I am a very ambitious person. Believe me I am. I am a very
sensitive person as well. I am very good at what I do. I have a very witty
mind, deep thinking abilities and a great will power. Which is why I try. I try
so hard to look like something. To feel like someone. To be someone who can
create change, who can be impactful, be powerful and commanding. Because yes
that is how the world works. You take only those people who you admire
seriously. I want to be able to create change, to bring some difference to
society, and I love myself dearly. I like my chubby cheeks, my big eyes, my curly
hair, my nose, I love it when I smile, but they don’t go well together
apparently and you have to work very very very hard to achieve greater
standards to be accepted.
|
This, this brings me down. It holds me back, I cannot go forward. I struggle each day with myself. I want to feel different, feel liked, because I try so hard but nope…nothing works. It isn’t a cruel world. This is just the norm. This is just how it is. I am not crying that it is unfair. Yes, I have accepted that I am a plain girl. In fact deep down ugly who has to work immensely hard to be even plain. I feel like I do not deserve love because the world will never let you get beyond the normative equation. You have to be with someone good-looking if you are good looking yourself and you deserve no one as good looking if you have ordinary or ugly looks. I am not complaining because someone called me ugly I am much beyond that today. I do not care. I feel bad that I cannot easily achieve what I want to because of what I look like. I have a sister and a mother who are immensely good looking, beautiful people who will obviously never see the plain person that I am. I am this plain human being. Who is trying so hard, SO SO SO SO SO Hard to do so much. I have such big dreams, but I cannot achieve them And not merely because of what I look like right now. But because I have only this much energy. How much harder? How much more time? How much more effort to achieve what I want? I am giving up! Some people are lucky and I am not. I haven’t sulked in my life, ever, NOT ONCE I have always constantly tried hard, harder than you can imagine. To become something It is a prison house, your mind, to desire something and be something else. And try harder than ever. I know this is just some superficial thing, looks, you can change yourself with a little bit of money and time. I know this means nothing. I would probably be comfortable looking like I used to. But no, I want to change to achieve what I have set out to achieve. But it is this difficulty, this struggle, this suffering, these mental talks, attempts of motivation and giving up, these failures. The real struggle is the struggle with self. Is the ability to have realized your powers but your inability of achieving them. It is to have disappointed yourself and to have failed. This is my real sorrow. It is not with how I was born, I on my own, love it and adore it, but, it is my failed attempt at being the person they want me to be, that to me, my success to get there is hindered. This is my real struggle. Read the gospel of John, King James Bible only of course, and before each reading pray and ask God to show you how to feel differently about yourself. Ask God to show you how He loves you. God sees your heart, and when your thoughts are in agreement with Him you will know His love, His joy, His peace, His strength, His confidence, His promise of eternal life to all who believe on Him. You can't be as ugly as Jesus was after they beat Him to a pulp and then nailed Him on the cross with a crown of thorns on His head. He is God who took on human form to die for us, paid our price so we can be relieved by Him in His resurrection and have a new beginning when we call in Jesus name to God the Father asking Him to forgive us and save us from our sin. God will give you the desires of your heart, and the more your hearts desire is in tune with His intentions for you, the more you will know His promises are true and you can wait for their fulfillment if not in this world then surely in the world to come in His Kingdom of Heaven. Forget about what people want you to be, seek to be what God wants you to be, His child showing forth His love, His greatness, His power and purpose of making you to be like Jesus to shine like the stars in righteousness throughout eternity. You're very hard on yourself you sound like a very nice person and someone who has intelligence and sensitivity ; I have a friend who used to think this way and could never find or seem to attract female attention or get any interest from them , I remember telling him he was too self conscious and obsesssing over meeting someone , he gave up trying and and met and dated three different women in a very short time and is now married to one of them women . Sometimes we can really be our own worst enemies But I know what you talk off is different , you feel your actual looks are hampering you in life and surely this is just you focusing to much on how other people look and comparing yourself to them which is lethal as how can any human being ever manage to measure up as there will always be someone better looking , stronger , more talented won't there ? I worked many years ago in a cancer ward for children which is truly heartbreaking but I tell you what it certainly puts our life defining worries into perspective . You can do anything within reason you put your mind too despite , looks , talent , or who or what you are . I wish you every success in your quest I don't believe in "ugliness". I don't believe it exists. It is yet another term set by society in order push people to consume useless things. How about you fight against those standards? Make your own. Tell women that no one can tell them who they are or how to look like. Tell women to be proud of their shapes. Don't let yourself be controlled by society. If you like your smile, then it is beautiful. If you like your shapes then they are perfect. You want to change society? Start with not letting it shape your vision of the world and yourself. Run because it makes you feel powerful. Wear leather because it makes you feel invincible. Smile because no one has the power to bring you down. Doing those little things are the baby steps to changing society. One day you will realize that beauty starts with you not others. God will change you into a new creature, beautify you with salvation if you will seek His mercy, believe He died for your sins, and receive Him as your Savior. He will be in you a new life, you will be in Him a new creation born of His Spirit with your sins covered and paid for by His blood.......and you will shine like the stars of Heaven in eternity when you see Jesus face to face and are forever changed to be like Him and never to sin again. Here are just a few ugly females who made it to the top of their professions without feeling sorry for themselves. Golda Meir, Israeli Prime Minister. Daily ugly pill intake;- 5. Angela Merkel, German Chancellor. '' '' '' '' ;- 4 Tarja Halonen, Premier of Finland. '' '' '' '' ;-5 Arlene Foster,1st Minister,N.Ireland. '' '' '' '' ;-6.5 Mary Peters, N.Ireland Olympic gold medalist. '' '' ;-3. Accentuate your best physical attributes, cease looking in the mirror so often, stop you negative thoughts of self pity and go forward with achieving your personal ambitions. Food for thought, beauty is only skin deep, but then so is ugliness. I don't know why anyone would go to a debate to speak the way you have, it sounds more like you need a support group instead of the anonymity of the internet but perhaps this is a need for help, or a need for attention. I don't know. Regardless... I don't know what age you are. You sound fairly young to be speaking of some of the things you have. You don't need men to swarm around you, beg to talk to you or dream about you. You don't need to "try very hard, harder than most girls," to look moderately ok. You need to accept yourself. And yes, you do have to work very very very hard to achieve greatness of any kind, just make sure it's a greatness that is meaningful and not something as superficial as how a person looks. Yes. The world and society is one where impressions are first made by sight. It sucks but that's the fact, but a girl that carries herself with confidence is more beautiful than any make-up ridden, false-beauty twit who judges others to feel superior. Even if someone looks at the beautiful person first, a person with class and substance looks at the confident woman the longest. It's good you like yourself. Own your face, own your body, own your attitude. It's yours and be damn proud of it. Anyone who doesn't like you can go suck a rotten egg elsewhere but you need to change your perception with yourself. Even if it's standing in front of a mirror and saying "I don't give a damn, I look amazing". Eventually you'll believe it and stop caring what anyone else thinks. start seeing yourself the way God sees you ... not man .... you'll never be tranquil and at peace attempting to achieve the acceptance and praises of man start placing your affections and treasures in the Heavens and the hereafter ... NOTHING will satisfy you here on the flat earthy temporal ........... if you drink the (eternal life) water that the creator of the earth is offering you .. you will never thirst again We are all sinners and sin is all ugly. We are all the same at heart. Man looks on the outside, God sees the heart. He will beautify the meek with salvation, His people worship Him and serve Him in the beauty of holiness. Receive God the Savior Jesus Christ by faith calling on God in Jesus' name to save you from your sins and Christ will come into you and be your life, and you will be in Him a new creation and He will adorn you with His glory magnifying his greatness and giving you a song in the midst of sorrows and trials, and He will be in you a well spring of living waters springing up to eternal life, your deserts will be changed to oasis. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and His joy will be your strength. You have to exist to be ugly. I don't think you really exist. Your profile was created about 7 hours ago and now as a newbie you burst on the scene with declaration you're ugly and comments that maybe you can't go on. Who comes to a debate website to do that? Furthermore your very long posts remind me more of an outlaw/fromwithin/saintnow regular's style than someone day one joining a debate website. I think you're an alter ego avatar of a regular. That may in fact make you ugly on the inside, but no one can really trust what you're saying about the outside. And if I'm wrong, then so what. Then basically I told someone claiming to look ugly that I don't believe that's true. Not a big gamble. All you need to do is fake confidence until you start to actually feel it. At the same time you need to make sure not to take any shit. That part is hard because you don't know if they are fucking with you or dissing you on purpose. The way I deal with that is I first try to blow it off. But if I don't feel good doing it, then I put my foot down and draw the line on the sand, "I don't like this and I'm not going to put up with it." But usually I just blow it off ;) |
