Religious scholars have long known that Jesus was not born in the year one; rather he was born sometime in 33 AD. That's right. Jesus was late for his own birthday party.

Recently, researchers have found evidence that after his crucifixion and being placed in the tomb, Jesus was supposed to reappear the next day. Instead, he dawdled and took three days. Some suggest that Jesus used the extra time for an extra long and well deserved nap. The delay meant the apostles had to hold over their room reservation for the Pentecost Party. Due to scheduling conflicts, the Holy Ghost almost didn't make it. He juggled his appointments and managed to show.

Researchers also note that after the Assent of Jesus into heaven, the apostles expected him to return in their lifetime. They canceled their plans to open up a Holy Land souvenir shop. They got signs saying, "In case of rapture, this donkey will be unmanned." Some of them spent the money they were saving for their kid’s college tuition. Sadly, they spend their old age in poverty, bitter and broken men.

Various prophets since then have announced that the time of Jesus’ return was soon to come. The day passed without him making an appearance. The prudent folk among his followers adopted the attitude, “it will happen when it happens”.

I suppose like any celebrity, Jesus can be late for his scheduled appearances, but really now, 2010 years late? I'm sure that's in violation of his contract. Management might want to consider booking a new act in his place. Quetzalcoatl, an ancient Mayan deity, has stepped forward and offered to fill the bill, promising not only a triumphal return but also an end of the world in 2012. This may be what we all have been waiting for folks!