Top 5 for me:

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99c every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Chuck Norris once lost a chess game against Mr. T;

In retaliation, Chuck Norris created racism.

Chuck Norris? Never seen one of his films, but I saw him fight his mentor, Bruce Lee.

Bruce Lee was better in the seventies. Schwarzenegger was better in the 80s and 90s. Statham is better in the 2000s.

Lightning never strikes in the same place twice because it knowns that CHUCK NORRIS is looking for it.

Chuck Norris got his ass handed to him by Bruce Lee, because Bruce Lee is the closest thing to a real ninja in centuries, and Chuck Norris is highly overrated. And that's probably the only real fact you'll find on a Chuck Norris fact thread.

CHUCK NORRIS and two strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while awaiting their respective flights.

One is an American Indian passing

through from Lame Deer. Chuck is on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

Chuck leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears

his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

Chuck shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'. ;)

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

The minimum length for an argument is 50 characters. The purpose of this restriction is to cut down on the amount of dumb jokes, so we can keep the quality of debate and discourse as high as possible.

A black mamba once bit Chuck Norris, after days of excrutiating pain. The mamba died.

Ooo I forgot

Chuck Norris actually said that this was his favorite Chuck Norris joke on a sports center interview ( idk why he was on sports center but w/e )

The Boogey man checks under his bed and the closet every night before he goes to bed for Chuck Norris.

FACT: Chuck Norris did not support or vote for Barrack Obama.

This is why after 2008 a lot of people where like "oh, maybe he's not so awesome, dang".

No more jokes? ): (;

chuck norris doesnt have tear ducts. mrs. bowen has a chuck norris poster in her room and i can sneak it for ya if you help me grade papers next hour. oh okay. lol

chuck norris invented ninja turtles

Top 5:

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding

If you can spell Chuck Norris in scrabble you win for ever

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks

There is no theory of evolution just a list creatures Chuck Norris has let live

1. Chuck Norris's smile brought a puppy back to life.

2. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse on the neck. It's descendents were known as giraffes.

3. Chuck Norris counted to infinity.....twice.

1)chuck norris can blow bubble with beef jerky

2)it is unwise for a man to play leap frog with a unicorn, unless that man is chuck norris

3)people say where is god? he never answers your prayers because one day chuck norris pointed to the heavens and said 'bang'

When CUCK NORRIS crosses the road the cars look both ways.

What does your wife and house have in common?

Chuck Norris can come inside both at free will and without permission.

Chuck Norris got pissed off by a dinosaur...... i think you know the rest..................

Jurassic Park was filmed in Chuck Norris' backyard.

Chuck Norris is the original situation.