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Pumpkin Seed
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The Pumpkin Seed Story

The Pumpkin Seed Story
My junior year of undergrad, I had a deplorable diet. Every now and then [the convenience store near my dorm] would get packages of pumpkin seeds, which I loved to eat while writing papers. One day when I was shopping I noticed that they had restocked. Since they were prone to running out quickly, I decided to go ahead and buy all of the pumpkin seeds they had. This in itself wasn't bad. What was bad was
that in a fury of writing deadlines, I ate all of them. I had pumpkin seeds for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner, as a midnight snack while doing research.

A day or so later, I noticed I hadn't pooped in awhile. I was sitting in class and was feeling bloated and all around crappy and I felt like I might finally have to poop. So I left to go to the bathroom but as much as I strained, nothing came out. I wiped a little bit and examined and my poop looked white. Weird, I thought, not quite making the connection yet. The next I still hadn't pooped despite several vigorous and painful attempts. I did a little "fishing" to discover what the problem was. What I found was pumpkin seed fragments. There was absolutely no fecal material. Just shards of pumpkin seeds. It felt like I was trying to poo wood chips. So I finally ventured off campus to a real store, CVS, and stocked up on everything I could think of to remove the chips. I bought laxatives, an enema, prunes, and lubricant. I tried the enema first, but the mass of pumpkin seeds was blocking my attempts to squirt anything up there. I then tried to lube my fingers and insert them, but moving the seed shrapnel only pushed them into my rectal wall (which hurt really really bad). I even got out my vibrator, turned it up to full speed,and pushed it on the skin above my anus, trying to shake the seeds loose. No luck. I eventually gave up, took 2x the recommended amount of laxatives and began to munch on the prunes. Then I waited.

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Satan himself must have wrote that story .

Side: Seed