A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to

the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull..

It's full of nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him

enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top

of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't

keep you there....

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide

up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm

129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great

opportunity.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to

lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of

you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the

Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Poof!

She's gone..

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,

relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of

Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I

want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and

do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a

sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting

very, very high up.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird

froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to

realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A

passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow

dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

There was a tiger who wanted to be king of the beasts. So after that he went around yelled that he was king of the beasts. The lion, who was already king, heard the tiger and challenged the tiger to a duel. They fought each other, and soon the other animals joined. Some fought for the lion, some fought for the tiger, while the rest didn't know what the fight was about. After a long fight, every animal lay dead. The tiger was the last animal left. He lived for exactly 18 days, then he also died.

The moral of the story: You can't as well be the king of the beasts if their aren't any.

THE STORY OF THE FLY Once apon a time there was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn ..when it noticed a fresh pile of cow manure.So she flew down to the irresistable delicacy to pig out.She ate and ate and ate some more.Finally she decided she'd had enough and and attempted to fly away..but alas she had eaten too much and could not get off the ground.She looked around wondering what she could do about this unpleasant situation..Then she noticed a pitchfork leaning up-right against the barn wall.She realised that if she climbed to the top of the pitchfork and jumped off she would be able to fly again.....Once at the top of the pitchfork she took a deep breath ,spread her tiny little wings and leapt confidantly into the air..with disasterous results she landed with a splat. MORAL-Never fly off the handle when you know your full of shit!!!!

A man is getting into the shower, just as his wife is finishing up her

shower, when the doorbell rings..

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that

towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked

in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs..

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ' Who was that?'

'It was Bob, the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes

me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to

credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position

to prevent avoidable exposure.

The moral of the story is...you can't trust a system! Maaaaann!

This older couple was celebrating there wedding anniversary. They both were in their sixtys. A fairy came and offered them each one wish. The woman wished for a trip around the world. Poof! She had plane, train, and cruise ship tickets that would take her all the way around the world. The man wished for a woman that was 30 years younger. Poof! He was 30years older, and his wife was still 60 years old. Be careful what you wish for~! C