Transcripts from Mueller's Congressional hearing, with a few embellishments for clarity...
Congressperson... after finding the President innocent of charges in your report, why did you spend time continuing suspicion to his innocence? This is not allowed in any court in the nation! If a person is found innocent... THAT'S IT!
Congressperson... why did you refuse to give Trump the same protections afforded every other American?
Robert Mueller... Uhhhhhh, well, uhhhh, uhhh, what report? Ohhhhh, that report, I mean my report..... uhhhhhh..... what page, uhhhh, can you repeat the question, uhhhh, ok please don't repeat the question, uhhh, I can't answer that question, uhhhh, ok I did not actually write the report.
Congressperson... who actually wrote the report?
Robert Mueller... uhhh, yehhhh, uhhh, well, at first, uhhhh, I started writing it but, uhhh , IT WAS HARD! It took me a week to write the first page alone. Do you know how hard it is to come up with words of collusion when there is no evidence?
So my team of Hillary supporting Lawyers said they would write it for me.
Congressperson... why did your team of Hillary supporters not recuse themselves for conflicts of interest?
Robert Mueller... well, uhhh, they told me they would ignore their hatred for Trump and be fair and balanced.
Congressperson... and you believed them?
Robert Mueller... yes, I knew they would be impartial because I could not find one email, on Hillary's private server, with their names on it. There were some names I could not quite make out from some sort of Bleach, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt.
Congressperson... you contradicted yourself on the meaning of collusion.
Robert Mueller... uhhh, was that on the first page?
Congressperson... no.
Robert Mueller... uhhh, can I let my lawyers respond to that?
Congressperson... no, I'm asking you, the person under oath!
Robert Mueller... uhhh, yehhh, well, uhhh, that question is out of the purview of my report.
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