Debate Info

Marital monogamy is outdated Marital monogamy is necessary
Debate Score:32
Total Votes:37
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Argument Ratio

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 Marital monogamy is outdated (5)
 Marital monogamy is necessary (9)

Debate Creator

Vizion(15) pic

What is the state of marital monogamy?

Is faithfulness possible in our culture?

Marital monogamy is outdated

Side Score: 10

Marital monogamy is necessary

Side Score: 22
3 points

Over 50% of both men and women have had sex outside of their marriage. We have an incredibly sexualized culture. Monogamy will not go back in its box. Rather than trying to pretend, we need to create new structures that recognize our actual behaviors. Once we do this, people can negotiate behaviors that are more realistic.

Side: Marital monogamy is outdated
Bradf0rd(1428) Disputed
0 points

We need new structures to recognize our behaviors...

Yes, like more government funded adoption clinics, government funded public psychologists, and maybe some little gift baskets for newly weds with condoms, paid for by the government... so that hopefully newly weds won't have children before they destroy the family for an orgasm.

Yes yes yes, all of that so that I can get blow jobs from people that I don't love as much as I obviously don't love my wife. Makes perfect sense. Also, there's nothing wrong with me if 50% of people are like me...

P.S. Welcome to America, where 79% of the citizens proclaim to be smarter than soil, and actually believe it.

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary
Vizion(15) Disputed
2 points

Who said Government structures? Government programs seem to produce the opposite results that they intend.

I am talking about cultural and personal structures. Our current marriage and family process is a mess.

The 50% of the people who aren't like you are making a big mess. How do we fix that?

Side: Marital monogamy is outdated
0 points

"Over 50% of both men and women have had sex outside of their marriage."

Where'd you get this stat from? Also do you mean 50% have cheated on their marriage or that 50% have had a sex partner other than their spouse at some point in their lives?

Side: Marital monogamy is outdated
2 points

monogomy is something that should be important in modern day marriages but our behaviours are leading us more and more to not get married. it is simpler to have kids etc. without the binding contract of marriage. it is then easier to split up, as in you dont have the worries of divorce. almost every marriage has had at least one half of the relationship have an affair.

Side: Marital monogamy is outdated
Nikobelia(104) Disputed
3 points

I don't it's at all true that "almost every marriage has had at least one half of the relationship have an affair" - I know a lot of happily married couples who haven't. While there are more and more people who are choosing not to get married because they don't agree with the idea of their relationships being religious contracts, that doesn't affect whether people who are married are monogamous - if anything, it means those who don't want to be tied down don't marry, which leaves those who do marry as the people who will value the sanctity of that marriage.

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary
1 point

I'm a bit at odds with the title of this opposition. I would have preferred the author to have titled this side of the opposition "Marital Monogamy inaccurately defined?"

Here is why; my beautiful and loving significant other and I are in a relationship that is 95% monogamously oriented, that is to say we hold the following core values; Constructive Communication, Trust and Respect. These three core values we believe are monogamously oriented because individually they feed into the other. This monogamously oriented matrix we believe are the essential ingredients to achieving unconditional love and thus keeps a positive perpetual momentum together.

However, on the same token, together we are considered "Recreational Swingers," which should not be confused with "Utopian Swingers" or "Polyamorists."

The root of the inaccuracy (outdated) of the definition of Marital Monogamy can be found from our cultures' social agents.

Social-agents, i.e. & e.g. parents and church, that create or influence society’s social-norms make the average member of society experience “alternative sexual lifestyle anomie (ASLA).” An anomie is the confusion that arises when social-norms conflict or do not exist.

ASLA, as I've coined it, is simply the confusion that consenting adults (typically; opposite sex couples in a cohabitating relationship) experience when social-norms on proper versus improper sexual experiences conflict with a mutual desire to experience sexual gratification with other like-minded couples.

ASLA is the result of anti alternative sexual lifestyle (e.g. anti-swinger or anti-polyamorists) social-agents’ influence which control the availability for members of society to choose to pursue an alternative sexual lifestyle experience while maintaining a guilt free marital monogamy.

Unfortunately, be it instigated from Biblical views or merely based on our parent’s moralistic / long-standing family cultural view on monogamously oriented relationships, these social-agents force those members / couples in society who do live an alternative sexual lifestyle (e.g. Recreational Swingers) to be placed into a deviant stratification, that is completely unwarranted.

If you like this post please send me your constructive feedback to notaboo at Ymail dot com.

Side: Marital monogamy is outdated
5 points

It is my view that marriage is a formal promise between two individuals to go through life with one another in whatever manner they agree upon. The fulfillment of this pact relies on both individuals' integrity. If two people decide to get married, and they both agree upon terms that allow for extramarital affairs, they are remaining faithful to their promise. To each his own, as long as the terms are clearly defined beforehand.

However, most marriages seem to operate under the premise that sexual relations will be exclusive. If these conditions are not met, then they have violated their own promise, and compromised their personal integrity.

I cannot personally define what marriage should be, as it is a contract between two individual people who may or may not share my ideas and values. It seems to follow that if you make a promise, you should keep it. In this sense, of course marital monogamy is necessary, if that's what you've agreed to. It's not outdated, it is simply the preferred choice. It's up to an individual to live up to it, or negotiate another way.

As far as marriage itself goes, I believe that it is a bit of an outdated institution. Besides being a symbol of loyalty/affection, it originally served to secure property, provide a stable environment for offspring, ensure financial security for women, and lend legitimacy to a sexual union by making the promise publicly.

In our society, these reasons aren't so compelling anymore. Dowries are long gone. People can have sex without producing children by using contraceptives. Women don't rely on men for their livelihood, and both sexes can do a decent job as a single parent. "Fornication!" isn't punishable by death or scarlet letter. All that we have left is that public promise, and the symbol of affection. Does that reflect well on a person's ability to keep his/her word, that they need to sign a contract in order to prove faithfulness? Why isn't a verbal agreement enough?

Side: It's a matter of personal integrity

I'm gay, I'm in a nearly two year relationship; and god knows my eyes wander. The thing is though, Marital monogamy can only work if the two people actually love each other. You've got to actually be dedicated to your partner; know that they are who you want to be with for the rest of your life; and know that they are just as dedicated to you as you are to them.

I am not surprised by the failure rate of marriages and the high numbers of people found cheating. People are rather isolated, selfish, emotionally closed-off, dishonest, and irrational.

It's bizarre to me, but people often get married for all the wrong reasons; financial security, a child in need of raising, wanting to provide a mother or father "figure" (because children go insane if they have only one parent). People will go into relationships lying to each other, pretending they are someone they are not, and then acting surprised when things don't work out.

I myself have made the mistake of going into a relationship hoping to change the other person; trying desperately to "make things work". That isn't how relationships are supposed to work out.

If people were more honest with each other and themselves we'd probably see a higher success rate. Otherwise, we could always copy off of "freer" cultures and embrace a loose monogamy where some sexual indiscretion is acceptable to both parties.

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary
3 points

"If people were more honest with each other and themselves we'd probably see a higher success rate."

I started this debate and believe marriage needs new structures. Total honesty is such a structure and I support this. What if "cheating" no longer existed because we were all honest?

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary
1 point

First time agreeing with you but dead on argument.

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary
2 points

Why doesn't this work anymore? Because consumers just can not help but indulge themselves at nearly any cost.

Show some integrity, America.

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary
2 points

Yes, show some integrity. Why have we lost our integrity? What will it take to get it back?

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary
1 point

Oh geese.... That's a lot of work for me to do.

I would have to explain family life as I believe it should be, which would require a lot of research... and finding good sources to site would take a while too. Then I would have to explain every milestone from the late 1700's to present and explain how it all helped shape today's family. Basically, everything has to do with the way the family is structured or not today, but that doesn't mean that this is necessarily a good thing, so then I would have to explain why I think that the family is so important...

Then, all it would come down to is whether or not you agree with my opinion... which most don't, so that would be a lot of work for nothing... but it would be interesting to do if I had the time. Maybe sometime later, i don't know.

Side: Marital monogamy is necessary