Why is it that speaking the truth is mostly connected to hurting someone?
There is a debate up right now on how to really hurt someone and the first two responses were to tell them them the truth! I am absolutely floored by those responses but also think that if the truth hurts it can be said in a way that wouldn't injure. I'm just like Pineapple and Nichole insofar as I speak the truth no matter what and I have found that if you choose your words wisely it doesn't have to hurt.
Let's just say that one of our friends is butt ugly. You don't have to say that to get your point across unless your mission is to injure! Another way to go about that is to offer up a make-over night with all of her friends participating and where suggestions would be well taken. No harm is caused. The same with a guy who let's say has acne beyond the normal teen-age stuff. One might put his arm around his shoulders and tell him that you used to have the same thing and this or that helped. Tell him how embarrassing it was to you because you felt the girls never gave him a chance but now, since the product or device helped, you're in popularity heaven. Again, no harm is done.
What do you think? Must the truth hurt? Or is it in the way it's said?
Let me first state that I've not had the chance to look at the debate you are speaking of...
It's a combination. Sensitivity, honesty, and starting with a positive note are always good ways to go into it. This isn't always easy to use. Perhaps you're frustrated at that person and the honest truth needs to be said. In the end what separates a good friend from a great friend is the dispelling of truth in a way that fits their character.
Not everyone is in the right situation to hear the truth. Sometimes holding your tongue is best. Sometimes it is not. It just matters on how much you care about that person and how you would like to be treated in that situation. If you can truly grasp that, then you are on the right track.
Old saying: Truth hurts.
Personally, sometimes I know the truth, but I know the way its being said is straight disrespectful. (most of the time it's because of an other persons insecurity) I have a problem with that.
Well, the other debate was about hurting someone. And, yes, the truth is the best way to hurt someone.
But that is if you say it with malice. As you clearly explained, those same truths can be repackaged as suggestions for 'refinement'.
Also, it matters how you see yourself. For example if you are happy being hefty, the term "fat ass" wont bother you as much.
I think the reason truths hurt is because we all to some degree, grow up in delusional environments. Our parents almost never will tell you the truth about something, and instead, you find out about it in a situation you NEED to hear it, but don't WANT to hear it. Make sense? Take, American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, for instance. All these people that audition, typically believe they are a great dancer because most of the time, no one had the guts to tell them they need more training or more character or something, but instead, they get to hear it by a professional judge in a situation in which it can be embarrassing or humiliating.
Also, I guess you can say I'm somewhat of an insensitive person, actually. So, I don't really pay attention to people's "sensitivity" before I say most things I say because truth is, everyone seems WAY too sensitive these days (more or less because of what I said above). Plus, you can try and change the way you say something as much as you want to "soften" the truth, but more or less, they'll know what you're saying and they'll be offended or sad or hurt no matter how you say it.
Plus, imagine if everyone already knew the truths... there'd actually be better things to talk about instead of "truthfully... did you know you..." ugh.
Because allot of people know the truth they dont want to hear it so they continue doing whatever stupid thing they're doing, hence hurting someone. Or if your dating someone and you cheat on them or something stupid, you need to tell them the truth, hence hurting them. Or if your friend has a boy/girlfriend who has been cheating on them, someone has to tell them the truth, so what else do you do? thats the stupid thing about telling the truth, cause people don't want to hear what your going to say, or dont know something bad, hence the hurt connected to telling the truth
I think the truth hurts because one can't escape it. Also for the most part our conversations are gentle when it comes to saying what is on our mind towards someone we don't dislike. If someone doesn't sugar coat what they say, like American society has come to expect, people become shocked and angry because they weren't prepared for it. The truth is seen generally as raw and unfiltered, yet so much of our conversations is delicately patched together so as not to offend. The truth doesn't seem to take that into account, the value of speaking the truth is largely influenced at least by the recipient on if it could be considered rude or insensitive and not on the value of choosing to tell the truth opposed to telling a lie.