Before the storm that changed my life I swore I was stronger than the demons that have taken me down. Had I not been through worse? Had I not defied the odds and come through the darkness? Was I not whole once more? Yes, I swore I was stronger than this.

I am lost within the shadows of myself. I am trapped in a strange place I have never been before. I no longer recognize who I am or from whence I came. Depression was a word for a dark and rainy day and no more than that. Now it has me in the totality of its grip and will not cease, it will not ease its grip. I swore I was stronger than that.

I am afraid now. Fear had never traveled with me and now it is at the very core of my being. I can only fight this depression with chemicals that alter my brain in so many ways. Where once I forgot nothing I now remember nothing. Where once they came to me now I am depleted, devoid of knowledge I once owned. I swore I was stronger than that.

I struggle with the slightest task where once I did things without having to make the check list which overwhelms me. So much to do but no will to get it done. My body, once strong and sleek, has changed into a thing of atrophy, weakness and pain. And I swore I was stronger than that.

To accept all that I must leaves me weaker still. But I will continue to search, continue to strive and continue to contribute as best I can because somewhere in my heart and soul, I know I am stronger than that.