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When you hope and hope that your not doing anything wrong and you try so hard to be right or at least in support of their understanding.. If they turn around and dislike what you have done.. It is killing.. Even if it is not meant!
Exactly! I guess it wouldn't matter to children who rebel hard against their parents. But for children who try their hardest to please them it's torture.
It's always best to say that you are disappointed in their actions. It's generally not them personally that causes the feeling but what they did. It makes it a little easier for them to see where the true fault lies...not with them, but what they did.
I'm a kid & i personally think it is the worse thing a parent could say to their child. I don't think parents realize that when they do this, they are hurting their child. It makes them feel guilty & feel like complete sh*t when they hear this. I know when anyone i know tells me this it personally hurts me. It makes me feel like i failed them, I'm a disgrace to them, or just the fact that i really messed up. But my point is if you want the truth take it from a kid that has had this experience. Imagine if you were in their position. It truly hurts.
I do use this phrase on my children, but I always make sure to sit down and tell them why. I try to show them that I was disappointed in a choice they made and that they need to think about all of the outcomes before they act.
My mom has never done that. She gets too emotional and irrational when she's upset. So she says hateful things, my personal favorite is "I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp", and doesn't apologize or even acts like it happened later.
I wish she had sat down with me and spoke rationally. You're doing good.
Holy crap, I am so sorry. I feel really bad when I make my kids feel like SHiT and I try to rationalize it for them. I know they still feel bad, but after we talk, they know I love them and am only upset because they didn't listen. They stil make their own decisions, because that is what growing up is all about. But, no matter what decisions they make, a parent still needs to help them understand what their choices lead to!
Parenting is more rewarding than you could ever imagine, but also harder than anything you may have ever accomplished!
Wow, let me tell you a very quick story. I had knives thrown at me, Hard shelled eggs, hit with the buckle of the belt, biten, hit with electrical cords oh and my personal worst was when she told me she should have aborted me.
I rather be hit a million times with all objects then to hear her say I should have aborted you.
I'm sorry that you had to get all the negativity but it does get better I promise you that
My mom stopped the physical abuse when I was young, because it's hard to hide it. I never had knives thrown at me, that's terrible, but I've been hit with a pan and this paddle thing they specifically got for us.
My mom actually did have an abortion before my brother and I were conceived, sometimes she says that having twins was God's way of saying he forgave her for the first one. Then sometimes she says how much easier it would have been if she had let my dad talk her into another one.
Sometimes parents just don't think.
But I'm sure you're doing very better than your mother, I can only imagine you sympathize with your child better.
I know it'll get better, but I hate that I'll think back on my childhood and remember all this.
I just stopped thinking about it. I don't spank or curse at my daughter, Iwill punish her on occasion but never hit and I definetely don't tell her she was unwanted, because I would give my life for her. You are right it's hard to think about it.
You sound like a wonderful mother. I'm sure because of your experience you will at least give your daughter more than you got emotionally. At least you can look at it that way
I think that saying that is like telling a child they weren't what you wanted. My mom said it to me, and even though I know she's overreacting, it still killed me to hear it.
Well there is always a reason to say it and of course saying it also requires you to tell them why you are disappointed in them. I don't think that the phrase means they are not wanted it just shows that you love them and want to let them know they messed up and you knew they could do better.
Of course not, I can think of many things my father said to me that are 10x worse than that - although I am not volunteering any of his statements here, merely noting for the record that there is far worse than "I'm disappointed in you"!?!
Gotcha. In relation to myself, this is definitely not the worst thing that my parent could have said to me. In fact, there would have been situations where I would have gladly given all my earthly posessions to have been told this instead of what I was being told at that moment.
This is one of the worse for me because I'm the "good" child. Or at least I try my hardest to be, my brother got the worse of the abuse, which is why I tried being so good, so it wouldn't be aimed towards me too.
Some parents just should never have been allowed to even have sex, much less reproduce...
I was more implying that the parents would not be your own parents. So for example, if x entered the debate he would respond and debate about the people described in the scenario as opposed to his own parents. Is that more clear or am I still making zero sense.
My mom said this to me when I told her that me and my wife (ex now) were going to have a baby.
It hurt, but I can think of plenty of other things a parent could say that would be worse. "you're a disgrace," "I can't believe I helped make you," " You'll never amount to anything," "I hate you."
They could say worse. "Your not my kid anymore!" That would probably the worst thing i could think of that my parents could say to me. thatd suck some ass.
