yea if you had given examples and linked that to yr point correctly, i think it wud've been better :)

your paragraph tells about 2 different problems, the first being social problems (divorce, birth rates) and the second being the environmental problems (H1N1, SARS). perhaps you can focus on the social problems for this paragraph so that you can use your next point for another paragraph. and, i think your environmental point is not entirely right as we can learn from the outbreak of epidemics like H1NI and SARS. from the 2004 epidemic SARS, we learnt ways to control the spreading of such epidemics. effective strategies were used to control the outbreak of the H1N1 virus in 2009 because we learnt how to control such epidemics from past outbreaks. so the second point may not fit the 'disagreeing' part in this essay.

hey perhaps you can explain more when you say 'the information has been twisted'. the example you gave did have a rough gist to it, however, it is a little on the surface. you could have explained how exactly they twisted the truth more clearly and how that made the japanese seem like the righteous ones. that would give readers a clearer grasp of what you are trying to bring across in your paragraph :)

so true! harry potter is the best..twilight is no where near!