Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups, he does "earth downs".

Lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice because it knows Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Chuck Norris once scared Michael Jackson so bad that he became white.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his own hands.

Every night, the bogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

If at first you don't succeed, you aren't Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once visited the US Virgin Islands. Now they are just called the US Islands.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, its to bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a black mamba and after several days of excruciating pain the black mamba died

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for supreme martial arts skills, after obtaining his awsome karate power proceeded to round house kick the devil in his face for his soul back. The devil a fan of irony now plays poker with Chuck on Wednesdays =]

GOD SAID AND LET THERE BE LIGHT AND CHUCK NORRIS SAID SAY PLEASE

When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norris

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies close to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

Chuck's enemies are all one the extient species list

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

(sorry forgot one) they wanted to put Chuck Norris on mount Rushmore but the granite couldn't support his beard

first of all, i need to get something straight, they are not jokes, they are facts. Second of all, chuck norris once walked down a street with a massive erection, there were no survivors.

Chuck Norris doesn't have doors in his house, just walls he walks through.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Behind Chuck Norris's beard there is no chin, just another fist.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

Jesus may have walked on water, but Chuck Norris walked on Jesus.

A long time ago, Chuck Norris kicked a horse in the chin. That horse's decedents today are known as the giraffe.

We call them UFOs. Chuck Norris calls them 'my Frisbee.'

Chuck Norris can see the eighth color of the rainbow.

the best chuck norris jock is ( ther is no such thing as earth quaqs only grunts when chuck norris gets pissed off ) LOL

The best Chuck Norris joke is no Chuck Norris joke. Is it 2004 again? God, I hope not.

Jurassic Park was filmed in Chuck Norris' backyard.----------------------------------

At night.. Chuck Norris doesn't check his closet for monsters... he checks his closet for Molly Weasley.