We will just skip the part you ask as it is just some crystal gripping hippy bullshit anyways. We will skip to your main claim.

you can not create a family tie with them because the child will never be both of yours and this will create a deep psychological conflict, though very subtle.

A child is supposed to be the combination of two people who are in love and are soulmates. Not a random child to random parents.

I guess your claim would go for anyone who adopts then really and not just gay people. But you are focusing on homosexual parents to adopted children so we will start there. The peer reviewed literature doesn't seem to back your stance. Sure you may find a few 'studies' that back you, but the overwhelming evidence is against your claim. I italicized and bolded areas that were particularly interesting, it seems it is the process of parenting rather than structure that affects the outcomes.

AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

"Research has shown that marriage provides substantial psychological and physical health benefits due to the moral, economic and social support extended to married couples. Conversely, recent empirical evidence has illustrated the harmful psychological effect of policies restricting marriage rights for same-sex couples. Additionally, children raised by same-sex couples have been shown to be on par with the children of opposite-sex couples in their psychological adjustment, cognitive abilities and social functioning.

APA has been a strong advocate for full equal rights for LGBT people for nearly 35 years, based on the social science research on sexual orientation. "

http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2010/08/support-same-sex-marriage.aspx

CANADIAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

"CPA’s review of the psychological research led us to conclude that the children of same-sex parents do not differ from the children of heterosexual parents in terms of their psychosocial development, their gender development and their gender identity.

AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS

"Children born to and raised by lesbian couples seem to develop in ways that are indistinguishable from children raised by heterosexual parents. Ratings by their mothers and teachers have demonstrated children's social competence and the prevalence of behavioral difficulties to be comparable with population norms. In fact, growing up with parents who are lesbian or gay may confer some advantages to children. They have been described as more tolerant of diversity and more nurturing toward younger children than children whose parents are heterosexual. "

"In one study, children of heterosexual parents saw themselves as being somewhat more aggressive than did children of lesbian parents, and they were seen by parents and teachers as more bossy, negative, and domineering. Children of lesbian parents saw themselves as more lovable and were seen by parents and teachers as more affectionate, responsive, and protective of younger children, compared with children of heterosexual parents."

"Recent publications from 2 population-based samples lend additional strength to earlier evidence demonstrating that children's well-being is not threatened as a result of growing up with lesbian parents. The importance of these studies is that the research was planned and conducted by people who had no particular interest or investment in research regarding same-gender parents. In both cases the investigations regarding lesbian parents and their children were posthoc analyses; thus, neither the sample nor the methods were influenced by a bias in support of gay parents."

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/118/1/349.full

CHILD WELFARE LEAGUE OF AMERICA

"The Child Welfare League of America (CWLA) affirms that lesbian, gay, and bisexual parents are as well suited to raise children as their heterosexual counterparts."

"Based on more than three decades of social science research and our 85 years of service to millions of families, CWLA believes that families with LGBTQ members deserve the same levels of support afforded other families. Any attempt to preclude or prevent gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals or couples from parenting, based solely on their sexual orientation, is not in the best interest of children. CWLA, therefore, affirms that gay, lesbian, and bisexual parents are as well suited to raise children as their heterosexual counterparts. "

https://www.cwla.org/programs/culture/glbtqposition.htm

THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF CHILD AND ADOLESCENT PSYCHIATRY

"There is no credible evidence that shows that a parent's sexual orientation or gender identity will adversely affect the development of the child.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender individuals historically have faced more rigorous scrutiny than heterosexual people regarding their rights to be or become parents. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry opposes any discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity against individuals in regard to their rights as custodial, foster, or adoptive parents."

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/policystatements/gaylesbiantransgenderandbisexualparentspolicystatement

THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY

"Most research studies show that children with two moms or two dads fare just as well as children with heterosexual parents. In fact, one comprehensive study of children raised by lesbian mothers or gay fathers concluded that children raised by same-sex parents did not differ from other children in terms of emotional functioning, sexual orientation, stigmatization, gender role behavior, behavioral adjustment, gender identity, learning and grade point averages. Where research differences have been found, they have sometimes favored same-sex parents. For example, adolescents with same-sex parents reported feeling more connected at school. Another study reported that children in gay and lesbian households are more likely to talk about emotionally difficult topics, and they are often more resilient, compassionate and tolerant."

THE AMERICAN PSYCHIATRY ASSOCIATION

"Numerous studies have shown that the children of gay parents are as likely to be healthy and well adjusted as children raised in heterosexual households. Children raised in gay or lesbian households do not show any greater incidence of homosexuality or gender identity issues than other children. Children raised in nontraditional homes with gay/lesbian parents can encounter some special challenges related to the ongoing stigma against homosexuality, but most children surmount these problems."

http://www.psychiatry.org/lgbt-sexual-orientation

THE AUSTRAILIAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

"The research indicates that parenting practices and children’s outcomes in families parented by lesbian and gay parents are likely to be at least as favourable as those in families of heterosexual parents, despite the reality that considerable legal discrimination and inequity remain significant challenges for these families."

"Findings from studies that specifically compare children both from lesbian-parented and heterosexual-parented families, and children from one and two parent families, provide further weight to the conclusion that it is process rather than structure that is key to positive outcomes."

"Researchers did find a difference in how connected the children felt to people at school, whereby children with same-sex parents showed a greater connection. "

"it is not surprising, and is in keeping with the conclusion that it is family processes rather than family structures per se that are important to children’s outcomes and well-being, that research increasingly indicates some positive benefits for children conceived via surrogacy or assisted reproduction, and for those in families with same-sex parents. For example, in the large European Longitudinal Family Study, which compared parenting and children’s outcomes in families in which the children had been conventionally conceived, conceived with donated sperm, conceived with IVF but not donated gametes, and adopted in infancy, several advantages have been found in terms of quality of parenting, family relationships, and behavioural outcomes for the children who have been conceived other than by conventional conception, and particularly, for those who have been conceived with donated gametes "

"Some new research suggests that lesbian and gay families are in some respects better for children than heterosexual families... Research on the division of parenting and household labour among lesbian co-parents and gay-co-parents has shown a distinct pattern of equality and sharing compared to heterosexual parents, with corresponding positive well-being for the partner’s relationship with each other, and the child’s adjustment. (Millbank, 2003, pp. 546-547)

What differences have emerged, however, suggest that gay and lesbian parents tend to be more responsive to their children, more child oriented, and more egalitarian in their sharing of the workload, characteristics associated with a more positive child outcome. (Johnson & O’Connor,

2002, p. 67)"

"Significant, reliable social scientific evidence indicates that lesbian and gay parents are at least as fit, effective, and successful as heterosexual parents. The research also shows that children of same-sex couples are as emotionally healthy and socially adjusted and at least as educationally and socially successful as children raised by heterosexual parents. No credible social scientific evidence supports a claim to the contrary. (Stacey, in Cooper & Cates, 2006, p. 34"

http://www.psychology.org.au/Assets/Files/LGBT-Families-Lit-Review.pdf

THE CALIFORNIA PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

"There is significant research demonstrating that same-sex couples are similar to heterosexual couples in essential ways and that they are as likely as opposite-sex couples to raise mentally healthy, well-adjusted children."

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA - DEPT. OF PSYCHOLOGY

"The data indicate that same-sex and heterosexual relationships do not differ in their essential psychosocial dimensions; that a parent’s sexual orientation is unrelated to her or his ability to provide a healthy and nurturing family environment; and that marriage bestows substantial psychological, social, and health benefits. It is concluded that same-sex couples and their children are likely to benefit in numerous ways from legal recognition of their families, and providing such recognition through marriage will bestow greater benefit than civil unions or domestic partnerships. "

OTHERS

These are just a small fraction of the other organizations that support same-sex marriage and think that the children of same-sex couples end up just fine.

-The American Academy of Family Physicians

-The American Medical Association

-The American College of Nursing

Judith Stacey, of New York University, stated: "Rarely is there as much consensus in any area of social science as in the case of gay parenting, which is why the American Academy of Pediatrics and all of the major professional organizations with expertise in child welfare have issued reports and resolutions in support of gay and lesbian parental rights". These organizations include the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Psychoanalytic Association, the National Association of Social Workers, the Child Welfare League of America, the North American Council on Adoptable Children, and Canadian Psychological Association. In 2006, Gregory M. Herek stated in American Psychologist: "If gay, lesbian, or bisexual parents were inherently less capable than otherwise comparable heterosexual parents, their children would evidence problems regardless of the type of sample. This pattern clearly has not been observed. Given the consistent failures in this research literature to disprove the null hypothesis, the burden of empirical proof is on those who argue that the children of sexual minority parents fare worse than the children of heterosexual parents."